Why I Saved And Did Not Save My First Kiss

 Greetings on a chilly April day here in Texas.  We've enjoyed beautiful warm weather for a few days, and then today hit dank and cold and a little foggy.  The girls are playing in the wood pile outside, and I'm watching them through the open back door, thinking about all sorts of things particularly and life in general, and more especially about how I haven't blogged in over a month.

This morning a very sweet thing happened and started me thinking about affection and kissing between humans.  The girls and I were piled together in bed after TJ left for work this morning, and they were just beginning to wake and show signs of life.  Bella sleepily turned over and opened one eye, looking at Lizzy.  "Baby, do you love me?" she said in her soft little voice.  Lizzy stirred, smiled at her sister, and they hugged each other and kissed.

Mommy melted into a puddle at the sight of those two sweet innocent beings showing affection to each other.  I just hope Lizzy remembers that moment next time Bella throws something at her or pushes her down! LOL  (We are working with her on how to treat her sister kindly.  It's an ongoing process!)

I grew up with the idea that one's first romantic kiss was to be guarded with all jealousy and purity of spirit, as if it was one's virginity.  There was a lot of fear involved in the way I was taught, unfortunately.  "If you date, you are setting yourself up to get divorced!"  "If you give away your first kiss before your wedding day, you're going to have problems in your marriage!"  "If you aren't a virgin, or gave your heart away to someone else you aren't married to, then you are an 'opened package' and no one will want you!"  There was so much fear in my heart and life that I didn't allow myself to experiment in even a healthy way sexually, and didn't go on a first date with anyone for fear I or they might get "defrauded" if it didn't work out. My first date was with the man who is now my husband, when I was 27 years old.  Although I am so glad I saved myself entirely for him, I regret that my life decisions up to that point were based on fear--not love, grace, and confidence in God and in myself to make the right decision.  I wish I'd saved myself for him because I wanted to, not because I was afraid not to.

Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18)  Fear cripples, destroys, and stunts who God made you to be.  Never make any life decision out of fear--not the small ones or the big ones.  I still struggle with it even though I have learned so very much in the past four years, mostly thanks to the amazing man in my life who is my best friend, and who encourages me daily to be myself to the best of my ability, to trust in God, and fear nothing.

I knew on our first date at a little Chinese restaurant that I would marry TJ Greer.  I was nervous and very excited about this new adventure in my life, and wasn't afraid of the relationship or of becoming that vulnerable with someone, letting them see me for who I was in everything.  I was afraid of kissing though!  It's funny when I think about it now, but I had a vague idea that kissing somehow would magically open the gateway to all kinds of terrifying unknowns.  I had watched so many couples at weddings kiss for the first time, and talk about how awesome it was and brag how they saved it all those years and how pure it all was.  I wanted with all my heart to please God, but I couldn't figure out in what way kissing might displease Him.  I'd learned not to take all the extrabiblical teachings I was raised with at face value, and dig a little deeper.  I had conversations about it with TJ, and he was all for kissing.  Two and a half days after our first date, I decided I was sick of not kissing just because I was afraid to.

I remember that first kiss.  Not because it was magical or incredible or amazing, but because it was awkward and hilarious and we were so new at it and figuring things out!  I remember being surprised, and disappointed that fireworks didn't explode and worlds collapse as I entered into the realm of the kissed.  It was really fun to learn the art, and after the initial shock of not being shocked, I decided everything I'd ever been told about kissing was wrong, and I gave myself the freedom to bond with the human I had chosen in the appropriate way.  I'll always remember when we learned how to make out, about two weeks into the relationship.  It was at a bus stop outside of a Walmart in Oregon.  FUN!

One week after our first date

Later my thoughts on the issue became more crystallized and coherent as we talked and learned together.  God made people to be relationship oriented creatures.  And physical affection is like everything else in life--there is an appropriate time and place for it all.  Standards might vary from individual to individual depending on their comfort zone, but the basics are generally the same everywhere, and it is dangerous to impose legalistic rules on others that have no basis in fact or even religion.  Not only is the Bible mostly silent on kissing, what it does say is in favor of the activity.  Romans 16:16 and 2 Corinthians 13:12 both command that Christians greet one another with a holy kiss, and several times we are also commanded to treat one another with brotherly affection.  I don't know where the heck people got the idea that somehow God doesn't approve of kissing.

Engaged!

I have zero regrets about showing my boyfriend affection before our marriage, including kissing.  It was an amazing way to bond with him and show him that he was more special than any other friend in my life.  It didn't cause any handicaps or problems in our marriage, quite the reverse!  If I ended up not marrying him I still wouldn't regret it.  If others wish to hold themselves to different standards, more power to you.  But don't impose your rules on others please.

How could I Not kiss him!!!!!

In other news, my kitchen is almost complete thanks to my hard working man.  Last Sunday Uncle Glayde and Aunt Debbie came over and now we have a nice little fence in the front yard to keep the kiddos out of the street, replacing my redneck compilation of random boards screwed together. We have two weddings coming up  that we're really looking forward to! Lizzy has started talking up a storm, and her favorite word is "No!" Our cat who loves her own species far too much has blessed us with a third litter of kittens this year, prompting me to stop being lazy about getting the darn animal fixed ASAP.

I have piles of dishes and laundry that stubbornly refuse to wash themselves, so I will bid thee, dear reader, adieu for the present.

Anybody want a kitten, pleeeeez????

New fence!

Picnic outside on a beautiful day

Take it already!

Playing with her doll

Home Schooling, or Home Laziness?

A cross section of a 700 year old fir tree at the Discovery Center on Saturday

Good morning world!  I notice that it's been over a month since I've posted anything.  Life has been full and busy, and I haven't been spending much time on the computer lately.  But here I am, back with something old and something new on my mind to share.

The subject of home schooling has been hashed over and studied and practiced for years--in fact before the first public school was established in 1635  home schooling was the only option other than expensive boarding schools and private schools.  Many of our American Presidents were home schooled.  However after several generations and a couple hundred years of public schools, folks have forgotten the roughly eight thousand years or so that man existed without public education, and home education has become new all over again.

 In the last thirty or forty years, learning at home has gone from a crazy new idea that only hippies and fundamentalist Christians did and sometimes went to jail for, to the latest fad and acceptable part of our society, a solution to behavioral problems and bullying, to the up and coming best and only way to learn thanks to the Internet.  You can literally obtain a complete education up to the high school level and many college diplomas through online curriculum, such as the Khan Academy which is completely free and well accredited through large donations from many well respected companies and individuals.  Thanks to the information age, by the time a public school curriculum is written up, approved by PC individuals, and printed, it's literally out of date already.  Home schooling has become easier, cheaper, and better than it's ever been before, and I am looking forward to using these resources with my own children--in fact YouTube has already proved invaluable and thanks to YouTube videos my girls and I know the alphabet in sign, and the girls know their letters, colors and numbers.

The thing that's on my mind this morning is the many parents of the previous generation who used home schooling not as a positive resource enabling them to give their children a better education, but as a way to keep their children isolated out of fear of the world, or as the laziest possible way to raise kids.  Sadly enough I've seen far too much of both!  I've known home schooled kids whose parents focused completely on academics to the exclusion of all else, and they were ready for college by age 14 but knew nothing of how to integrate into society and get along well with their fellow man.  I've known home schooled kids whose parents focused completely on religion to the exclusion of all else, who could quote chapters of the Bible but knew little to nothing of math, chemistry, and biology.  It breaks my heart to see children handicapped for life because of the lack of wisdom on the part of their parents, and yet with all it's flaws home schooling still tops the charts when it comes to academics, and I've known far more home schooled kids who are bright and well rounded and socially adjusted, having traveled the world, learned other languages, and overcome more challenges than many adults have faced.  The issue lies with the parents.  With government education, a child's schooling experience is only as good as the government makes it.  It is varied as to the region, the size of the class, the teacher, and the school district.  But it is essentially a homogenized education.  You are not allowed to fail, or excel either (unless you are Mr. Galbraith of Cheaper By The Dozen and actively teach your children alongside the public school and brazenly demand that your bright kid be allowed to skip years).

Home education is only as good as the parents who school at home, and so it lies as an awesome and heavy responsibility on we who choose to teach our own children to actually TEACH OUR OWN CHILDREN!!!  And in the day of the Information Age, we have literally no excuse.  It doesn't matter if you have a teaching degree or not.  If you don't personally know the knowledge that needs to be imparted, you can find that knowledge.  Schools and libraries are no longer the source and center of knowledge like they used to be.  The world is literally at our fingertips, with smart phones ready to answer any question one might possibly ask, and teachers making videos and podcasts aimed at sharing their knowledge with others. 

The dangers of public schools have also vastly increased since our parents' day.  School shootings are becoming horrifically common, where some deranged person decides to kill as many young people as possible and sometimes small children (Sandy Hook makes me sick!)  Bullying is becoming such a problem that the government is devoting millions and millions of dollars to "combat bullying".  The curriculum is becoming watered down and sickeningly politically correct, with California schools teaching sex education to kindergartners with an emphasis on the LGBTQ agenda. The overcrowding of classrooms making it impossible for good teachers who care to help the children on an individual level, essentially turning them into free babysitters.

Even though I believe home schooling is so much safer, I still choose not to make that decision out of fear, but out of love for my babies and a firm belief that it is the better option socially, economically, and educationally.

It is wrong to make life choices out of fear.  I have memories growing up of running and hiding whenever the school  bus drove past our house, terrified that it might stop and kidnap us (because why would children voluntarily get on the bus?  Didn't they kidnap kids to cart off to their evil schools?)  One time, oh horror of horrors, the bus actually stopped!  But the friendly driver only wanted to buy a dozen eggs (we had a sign out front and sold eggs).  Fear is never a good thing.  It cripples and distorts and paralyzes everything good and brave in your heart and soul.  I was raised with an incredible amount of fear of the horrible world out there just waiting to devour me if I dared exercise the smallest amount of independence from the sheltering arms of my parents.  When I actually ventured out on my own in my early twenties, I discovered an amazing, beautiful, challenging, and ever changing world, a world with dark and bright threads weaving together a tapestry called Life.  I discovered that Harry Potter wouldn't automatically suck me into witchcraft.  I discovered that wearing clothes that weren't loose and baggy from neck to ankles didn't automatically get me raped.  I also discovered that even with the failings of my parents,  I actually received a decent education and an excellent work ethic, and was able to get a job almost anywhere I chose.

All together told and averaged out, home schools still excel public schools and I suspect they always will.  Who knows what the future holds, the way it keeps changing!  I was 19 years old when I bought my first digital camera, and digital technology was fairly new.  I remember when phones had cords and attached to the wall, and there was only one per family.  I remember when a computer was something large and bulky and only owned by nerds.  I remember being excited about a 32 MB storage card, and now I have a 32 GB card in my camera and a 2 TB hard drive.  I learned to type on a manual typewriter where you couldn't type too fast or the keys would bunch up and get stuck.  My children are growing up in a completely different world, and my generation is proving how adaptable the human species is.

My challenge will be to teach my children to be not just decent human beings, but excellent human beings and good people to know, to fall in love with, to be friends with, to hire in the workplace.  I don't believe in mediocrity.  I don't believe in accepting changeable human behavior as "everybody fails, so failing is OK."  I believe that along with being the best person you can possibly be, humility is key and it's important not to look down our noses at others who make different choices than ourselves.  It is a balance that I am still learning--to love others for who they are, and yet to make the choice to be a good person and surround myself with good people.  Jesus hung out with prostitutes and sinners, loving them and accepting them yet without accepting their sin, bringing them with him on the journey to new heights and a better life and ultimately into the kingdom of Heaven.

Learning about tree rings

Elizabeth was fascinated by the fish tank

Climbing and playing is an essential part of education!

Lights!

This is how Elizabeth toddled around the Discovery Center, reaching out and squealing about all the new things to learn.  Children are sponges who soak up information if you are willing to teach them!

Pushing buttons on the big computer

One year old Lizzy learning about the solar system

Science is such a big wonderful world to explore! Children are never too young to learn.

What Are You Selling?

I have noticed a disturbing trend among the young people in my former social circles--mostly raised as conservative Christians.  Several trends in fact, but this morning my mind is on one in particular.  Whether it's due to lack of proper sex education, or a way to be rebellious, young ladies I grew up with seem to be shedding their clothing at an alarming rate and then posting the resulting eye candy on social media.  One of the biggest culprits that helps disrobe these sweet and well-intentioned females is the latest and greatest fitness and health craze product.

Now I'm all about fitness.  I love how my body used to look before babies, and I'm working very hard to get it looking like that again.  I'm going to CrossFit classes 2-3 times per week that challenge me and keep me sore most of the time.  I'm saying no to (almost) all desserts, which is hard for me.  I will be ecstatic when I reach my goal of losing fifty pounds.  But I sure as hell ain't going to post the naked results on Facebook!

There's this multi level marketed product that has spread like wildfire among my Facebook friends in the past couple of years, and it's gotten to where I am suspicious of all messages from acquaintances who say a friendly hello to me on social media.  They are probably going to try and sell it to me, and I've noticed that as soon as I express my non-interest, I never hear from them again and they no longer "care how I and my family are doing."  Some of these friends are so enthusiastic over their little side business and push it so constantly, it reminds me of someone selling weed to kids on a school playground. Some even equate their little supplement to the gospel--and I loosely quote, "Jesus wants everyone to use [this product]!  I am so thankful He has provided it for my family, and you should get it for your family too!"  The most offensive of them all is called Plexus.

Plexus is one of a parade of health products that have cropped up over the past seventy years, ever since Americans began consuming junk food, driving cars instead of walking, and essentially losing their health.  I could write up a whole post about it, and another on the follies of multi level marketing in general.  Plexus in particular is insanely expensive, and only works if you exercise and eat right as well.  It has some good vitamins and such in it, but it's really basically a placebo to help motivate you to exercise and eat right, which would make you healthy and lose weight anyway.  And it could cause adverse effects too--just google the phrase "Plexus Ruined My Life" and you'll be amazed how  many testimonies come up of people who had bad reactions to the supplement.  I picked this one as a sample out of many.

But what's on my heart today is a byproduct of all this hullabaloo.  Young ladies are now posting before and after pics of themselves with very scanty clothing, trying to sell the goods.  I know they mean to sell this Plexus product, but I wonder if they realize what else they're selling along with it!  Picture this: all the young men you grew up with who thought of you as a friend and/or sister.  Now all of them have what amounts to a naked photo of you.  Now you might be fine with that.  But can you be so naive as to imagine that the wives, sisters, and daughters of these young men are okay with it?  Or the young men themselves--who may be struggling with keeping their minds pure at the moment?

I, and many of my generation, were raised with an unusual and highly damaging amount of body shaming.  "Cover up, you don't want your brothers in Christ to stumble by looking at your body!"  At one point I remember I didn't want to go anywhere or see anyone because I was so ashamed that my body now looked like a woman, and I was afraid people would notice even though I had it well covered up with heavy and shapeless garments.

God intends the opposite, people!  It is because your body is so beautiful, so amazing, and so worth looking at that it needs to be respected, and not prostituted out to the world.  You are beautifully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139).  If you are a believer, then your body is a temple of the holy Spirit (1 Cor 6:19)

I wish I'd known what I know now, when I was single.  I was told that displaying myself to young men would be stumbling block for them and make it hard for them to be around me.  But I was never told WHY, and HOW.  I didn't know that if I let my boobs hang out and displayed my legs and midriff that it would likely cause the guys around me to give me the Johnson salute.  And the only way they could avoid it was to avoid me!  Girls, unless you are not concerned with keeping healthy relationships with those around you, I plead with you to respect yourself and not post your boudoir photos for my husband and brothers in Christ to see.  God made our bodies to be sexual.  It's a beautiful and wonderful thing!  One of my favorite things is to turn my husband on without even touching him.  It's so much fun and the way God intended it to be!  Sex is glorious.  It's intimate and deep and the best way possible to connect with your spouse.  Let me ask you:  would you like all the guys you know to imagine having sex with you?

Ultra left wing feminists whine and scream and throw hissy fits and go around naked with pussy hats on their heads, and demand that men respect them.  A true feminist would keep her mystery, her beauty, and her feminine charms with style and grace, and twist the men around her little finger, and the men would worship her for it.  There have been many powerful women throughout history--women who ruled the world, who made their way through a patriarchal society doing exactly what they wanted to and when they wanted to, changing the world for better or for worse.  The way to do this is to be yourself to the fullest--to be confident in yourself and in God who made you a woman.

Though she be little, yet she is fierce.

Be fierce my friends!  Be passionate.  Be beautiful.  Be a woman.  Don't make yourself vulnerable to the world and weird out all your guy friends, whose friendship I'm sure you value, by posting naked pictures of yourself online.  It cannot be unseen, and destroys something infinitely precious which is your mystery and loveliness and sheer womanliness.  Even to sell something--in fact that is infinitely worse, because you are literally prostituting out your precious body for gain.  Nothing is worth that!

Toddler Relationship Drama!

My daughter was rejected for the first time by her own kind the other day.  She is generally a friendly little soul, and she has missed her friend Reagan back in California a lot in the three months since we've moved.  She hasn't said very  much about it, but she lights up when she sees pictures of Reagan, cuddles the framed photo I have of her and Reagan in her room, and tried to share goodies with her friend when they talk on video chat. My challenge has been finding another mommy who is willing to get together for playdates and such.  I haven't found a friend of my homie Miranda's caliber yet, but I'm still looking!  One way to meet mommies is at Connor Park here in Canyon.  It's the park I usually walk to, and it's right next to a school.  As the weather warms up, more and more other mommies have been showing up with their littles--daddies and grandparents too.  Usually Bella is able to find a playmate, and if not then she happily plays with me and her baby sister.

Until the day before yesterday.  Two other moms were at the park with their little girls, ages 3 and 4, who were obviously best pals.  My Isabella followed those two rascals all over the playground, calling out to them and trying to be included in their play.  Apparently she didn't qualify to join the clique, and they not only ignored her but ran away from her whenever she came near.  Their moms even went over and told their kiddos to include my kiddo, but they would have none of it.  I watched my precious girl, my mommy heart aching for her but knowing there was really nothing I could do.  I couldn't force them to play with her, so I watched, wondering how Bella would handle the rejection.  After following the girls for about five minutes, she quickly figured out they didn't want to play with her.  She sat down on a step of the play set and put her face in her little hands for a minute, in such an adult gesture of deep thought and resignation I was amazed!  Then she looked up with a smile on her face, and came running to me.  "Play with me, Mommy?"  Of course, sweet child, I'll play with you!!! She happily ran and shouted and played with me, sliding down the slide and climbing obstacle courses, completely ignoring or forgetting about the elite clique who had rejected her.  And my heart bounded with pride that she seemed untraumatized by the event, and had already moved on.

Yesterday was a completely different story.  Even more folks came out to enjoy the gorgeous weather, including a young mother with her two young'uns each slightly older than my two.  Bella had taken possession of a soccer ball someone had brought, and the little boy around her age wanted to play with it.  He was obviously a well socialized and gentlemanly little fellow, and he didn't want to take the ball from her--he wanted to play with her.  Bella clutched the ball to her chest and yelled "No!  My ball!"  The little boy--whose name was Jack--looked up at me.  "That girl won't let me play with her," he told me.  So I had the opportunity to teach Bella how to share and play with others, and discover the delights of kicking around a soccer ball.  She and Jack played happily the rest of the time, and I was able to get acquainted with Jack's mama.  I hope we see them again sometime soon!

Oh the ups and downs of being a toddler.  I pray God for strength and wisdom to help my babies navigate the world and learn to deal with social situations with grace and discretion!

Reagan and Bella

Precious Moments

I love this picture!

I want to do a post about random cute, sweet, and hilarious moments with the girls.  Such moments
have been increasing as they grow up, and I don't want to lose the memories!  Our girls are amazing, and we love them to pieces.

I have been walking to the park frequently as the weather warms up.  Isabella and Elizabeth always get excited about our park excursions.  Lizzy will climb into the double stroller and bounce up and down, waiting for us to go.  Bella is getting adept at putting on her own shoes, although convincing her to wear clothes is still a struggle!  I am raising one little nudist here.  "Bella, it's cold, honey, you need to let me put clothes on you!"  "Bella, we're going out, honey, and you have to wear clothes when we go places."  Hopefully she'll grow out of it by the time she's a teenager!

It's a 1.2 mile walk each way, which is a nice amount of exercise for mommy.  I put music on my phone and walk fast, and the girls bounce and sway to the music--Bella is starting to try and sing along when she knows the song.  She always wants me to play with her when we arrive.  No sitting on the bench watching the kids for this mommy!  She pulls my hand and says, "Come on, mommy!  Your turn!  You can do it!"  She makes me take turns going down the slide with her, shouting encouragement the whole time.  "Good job, Mommy!  You did it!"  It's adorable, and I love playing with her.  I am amazed at how she literally imitates everything we do and say.  I can tell if I'm speaking lovingly and encouraging words to her, if that's what she's spouting back at me.

Bella wanted to wear her hat

Learning to take turns

Lizzy Bee

My Bella with the wind in her hair

She finally conquered her fear of slides

First time trying the big person swing

Collecting rocks

That reminds me of a hilarious moment we had recently.  I often make hot cocoa on these chilly winter mornings, and it is the girls' favorite.  I use whole milk and hot chocolate mix (unless I'm feeling particularly noble and make it from scratch).  I was making the hot cocoa in our dining room/kitchen, and I heard a squall coming from the living room.  I came out to check, and Bella pushed me back into the kitchen with a very stern look on her little face.  "No mama!  GO MAKE HOT COCOA!"  she commanded.   It is so hard to correct her when I'm laughing so much!

That smile!!!

It's harder and harder not to laugh at her these days.  TJ was having a stern heart to heart talk with her yesterday and her responses had him in stitches.  He covered his face and tried to get control of his features, as she sat on his lap and looked at him innocently.  Another time he was showing her the work he's been doing in the kitchen.  He's installed the counter top, but hasn't put in the sink yet.  He lowered her into the sink hole, and opened the cupboard thinking she'd like to climb and play.  Normally she would have loved it, but for some reason she got super emotional, howling and trying to climb up out of the sink hole again.  He showed her over and over that she could easily step out of the open cupboard door, but she only screamed louder.  I walked out and let him deal with it because I was laughing too much!

Woe is me, I am trapped in a cupboard!!!

I wish Bella would wean.  She loves her mama's milk, and asks for it multiple times a day.  I have better things to do than nursing a large toddler with a mouthful of teeth!  I have reluctantly given her pacifier back.  I'd rather her chew on that than on me.  Uncle Glayde and Debbie stopped by, and while they were here Bella announced loudly, "Mommy, I want boobies!"  Slightly frustrated, I said "No, honey, you need to wait till you're 13 or so!"  They thought my response was hilarious.

Lizzy feeding Uncle Glayde Cheetos

Lizzy's personality is expanding, growing, and glowing more every day.  She is such a joy to our hearts!  She's learning sign language as well as new words, and is a content little being.  She can play all by herself for long periods of time, but her whole little body lights up and wriggles with joy when she sees one of her favorite people.  She will go and make friends with anyone, hugging random strangers' legs when she gets the chance.  When we arrive at church, she toddles off looking for somebody on which to bestow her dazzling smile and baby coos.  Yesterday I noticed the emergence of two more teeth, bringing the total of toothies in her head to 6.

She climbed into her walker and fell asleep!

It's so interesting observing the differences in the girls' sleeping habits.  Isabella is a night owl, and loves to stay up late and then sleep in the next morning.  She got up at 9 a.m. this morning!  Now that she has her own queen sized bed she has finally learned to sleep in her own bed, praise be to not getting squeezed out of my own bed by an active toddler any more!  She's growing up so fast, my big girl.  TJ and I take turns reading her bedtime story, singing her a song and praying with her.  She is also our snuggle bug.  She loves cuddling in warm blankets, or in a towel after her bath.  Elizabeth on the other hand kicks everything off every time.  I have to put her in fuzzy warm jammies so she doesn't wake up cold and crying at night!  She's our early bird, waking up almost at the same time we do (6:30 except on weekends).  Saturday morning they both woke up before we did.  Bella came into our room, climbed on Lizzy's crib to reach the light, turned the light on, jumped on our bed and said "Wake up Daddy!  Wake up Mommy!"  They both proceeded to climb all over us, and I was like "honey why did we have kids?!"  LOL.

Sisters!

Bedtime stories with Daddy