September 29-30 Memorial Service for Elizabeth Bitikofer

Beautiful butterfly

Summer has come and gone, and Fall is in the air.  This blog has been sadly neglected, thanks in a large part to a temperamental laptop that's literally coming apart at the seams so the guts are visible.  It decided to turn on this morning, and I am quickly banging out a few items before it randomly shuts down again!  I do not enjoy typing out my ramblings on my smartphone.

September 29th we attended my Grandma Elizabeth's memorial service, and next day we buried her ashes in the ancient cemetery filled with half my ancestors.  It was the most moving ceremony I've ever had the privilege of being part of!  Just close family were there, in that sweet, peaceful little field dotted with gravestones, next to the oldest Mennonite church in the country.  It was far off the beaten path, a mile or two from the nearest paved road, bordering the farm my great grandfather Fred Bitikofer bought in 1912 which is still run by his grandson Dennis.  The sun smiled down on the beautiful landscape, the breeze whispered through the trees, and we sang together the beautiful old hymn "In The Bulb."

In the bulb there is a flower;
in the seed, an apple tree;
in cocoons, a hidden promise:
butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter 
there's a spring that waits to be, 
unrevealed until its season, 
something God alone can see.

There's a song in every silence, 
seeking word and melody;
there's a dawn in every darkness 
bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future;
what it holds, a mystery,
unrevealed until its season, 
something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning;
in our time, infinity;
in our doubt there is believing; 
in our life, eternity.
In our death, a resurrection;
at the last, a victory,
unrevealed until its season, 
something God alone can see.

I cried.  I didn't expect to, but I couldn't help it.  My husband held me in his arms; my two little girls ran and played and climbed gravestones, their innocent laughter rippling across the sylvan landscape as the angels smiled.  I have never felt such a strong sense of belonging before; I could sense the presence of my ancestors who passed on before me all around.  You read about the horror of death and watch scary movies where spirits haunt their graves.  This was the opposite: the beautiful history of generations of hardworking, salt of the earth, God fearing folks was a tangible presence in the air.  It was amazing, one of the most beautiful things I've ever felt!

The pretty pink urn containing Grandma's ashes was lowered into the ground as we sang, and Grandma's children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren scooped earth into the hole with small trowels.  Isabella and Elizabeth enthusiastically participated.  Aunt Kathleen planted the bulb of a flower appropriately on top, and the group broke apart, visiting and reading gravestones and wandering around the old place.

I wanted TJ to see the old farm, and Uncle Dennis happily gave us a tour.  The girls went wild over the cows, the old barn their great-great-grandfather built with his own hands, and all the clean and well kept tractors.  It felt like coming home!

We had such a wonderful trip.  The Jack family graciously hosted us at night, and our girls made instant friends with their two boys who are each a year older.  It was so nice to see them again!  We also enjoyed the blessing of an upgrade on our vehicle rental: a 2018 Ford F150, a sleek, roomy monster, silent and smooth as a sports car but with plenty of room for us and our luggage.  It was a delicious driving experience we still remember fondly!

My mother's side of the family

Eating watermelon in the Jacks' garden

Service for Grandma

The fields of our ancestors

Family.

The guys...and Bella :-)

The Ladies!

A Well-Lived Life: A Tribute To Elizabeth Bitikofer

Me, as a newborn baby. Her first granddaughter.

My grandmother on my mom's side, Elizabeth Bitikofer, passed away very peacefully yesterday evening around 7 PM.  She had been very sick for quite a while, and at age 84 was ready to quit this life and move on to the next.  I've been thinking a lot about her the past few days, and naturally one's thoughts also turn to life after death and what happens when you cross through those portals to the great Beyond.

Death is inevitable, for humans are mortal.  It is a blessing in disguise, an escape from the follies and pain of life on earth.  I remember reading J.R. Tolkien's book The Silmarillion where he speaks of his imaginary Middle Earth and how the Elves were created, and that the elves were jealous of humans because they themselves were cursed with immortality.  The Bible, which is the oldest and most remarkable book ever written, has surprisingly little to say about the details of the afterlife.  There are generalities spoken of, such as the righteous being given eternal life and experiencing bliss forever while the wicked are punished and destroyed.  There's a new heaven and a new earth to come spoken of, but that's not really about the afterlife per se because it hasn't happened yet.  But this post was intended to be about Grandma, so I'll save the rest of my thoughts on the subject for another day!

Unfortunately I didn't grow up with my grandparents in my life very much.  They did their best to make the long trek to visit, and we would visit them, but seeing each other once a year wasn't really enough to form a real relationship.  We were a large family too, and did everything together all the time, so it was more of a relationship with our family in general than with us grandchildren individually in particular.  I do have some very good memories though, and pictures help a lot!

I remember Grandma liked to sew, and made us multiple sets of outfits, often matching.  When Mom decided to go Amish and dress us in long plain dresses, Grandma cheerfully sewed long plain dresses for us.  She was very sweet and loving and easygoing, and I rarely heard her express her opinions on things.  One thing she was particular about--she didn't want us to wash our hands in her kitchen sink.  Her kitchen sink was kept sacred for dish washing only.  I also remember thinking she liked to cook, but she confided to me once that she'd been cooking for her entire life and was very glad when someone else would take over!  I don't feel like doing the math, but she must have cooked thousands and thousands of meals for her family growing up and then after she was married. Girl deserved a break for sure!

After Grandpa passed away in 2003, Grandma still came out to visit us whenever she could.  When my brother was diagnosed with cancer she came out and stayed with us for a couple of months, and then flew back again for his memorial service.  She was such a blessing, working tirelessly to help while my parents tried to cope with what we all were going through.  I remember once she visited us for a couple of weeks and washed the dishes every single day for us.  That was no easy task, as we were a family of 10!

I have two collections of memories of Grandma that I treasure.  One was when she visited us almost ten years ago and I took her out to lunch at Papa John's Pizza.  That was really fun, and probably the first time I'd spent individual time with her!  The second time was when I took the train out to Kansas from California and visited her in 2011.  Just me, no one else.  That was also a first!  I was able to get to know my relatives in the midwest and Grandma in particular in a way I never had before, because I had been part of a group at all times.  We had such a good time, walking around the Arboretum admiring the flowers, working together in a local thrift shop ministry she volunteered at, doing puzzles, and driving up north to visit Uncle Mervin and Aunt Cathy.  I am so glad I went, and will always remember those times fondly!

Grandma was always, always positive and encouraging.  I don't think I ever heard a negative word out of her!  She had smile lines in her face, and I rarely remember a time she didn't smile.  She was very serious about the Lord and read her Bible and was never afraid to talk about her faith.  But she didn't push her ideas on you, she made you want to listen to her because you knew she cared about you.  She is a great example to me in this way, because I do struggle with negative thoughts and speaking words that I wish I could take back later.  I am working on my listening and speaking skills, but she had fifty years of experience on me, and I hope by the time I'm eighty-something I will be perfect like her! Lol.

Several memories stand out to me in a whole ream of memories cataloged under the heading "Grandma's Sense of Humor."  When I visited her seven years ago, I went to church with her on Sunday morning.  The preacher was preaching a very fiery and passionate sermon on miracles, and how everybody is supposed to have enough faith to perform them.  He said something to the effect of "one of these days we're going to learn how to pray and raise the dead, and go raise the dead at all the cemeteries!"  Grandma leans over to me and whispers, "When I die, please let me stay dead!"  Will do, dear Grandma, will do.

The other memory also makes me smile every time I think of it.  Around 12 years ago I had just bought my first digital camera when Grandma visited us, and was shooting everything in sight.  It was so fun not to be restricted to film any more!  Anyway my mom and Grandma were working together in the garden pulling weeds, and I took a picture of them from behind, both bent over at the waist in their long denim skirts.  When I showed Grandma the picture, she laughed and laughed, and requested a print.  She thought it was the funniest thing ever, their blue denim clad keisters sticking up like two weird towers out of the greenery!

I always thought my Grandma was beautiful.  She dressed classy, and was a lady inside and out.  She sure wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty though!  She grew up on a farm, then raised four children and went through the incredibly difficult process of having a fifth stillborn.  She was strong and brave, gentle and cheerful under all circumstances.  The love she had for Jesus and for her fellow man shone through in everything she did and said.

I am sure I'll think of more memories in these next few weeks as we prepare to travel up to Kansas for the memorial service.  One of the many things I'm thankful for is that Grandma knew my dear husband, TJ, long before we were married.  I even have several pictures of the two of them together while we were just friends, years before we fell in love (I did have a crush on him though!  That's the reason I have the pictures, I was stalking him LOL.)

The service will be a joyful celebration of Grandma Elizabeth's life by all who knew and loved her.  It's really impossible to be sad.  She is in a much better place now, and heaven's gates are rejoicing!

One year old me

Pismo Beach!  I had my honeymoon here 25 years after this picture was taken. :-)

Grandma sewed all of these outfits for us.

Grandma & Grandpa

In 1999 Grandpa & Grandma helped with our new house.

Grandma taught me a lot about sewing.

We made these outfits together.

I made chocolate cherry mice, and Grandma decided to be silly for the picture.

My future husband T.J. and Grandma, 2007, my brother Nathan's memorial service.

T.J. and his family sang for Grandma in four part harmony.

She even went camping with us!

2006, goodbye at the airport.

My Birthday

Last Sunday I turned 31 years old.  It's kind of weird to think I'm older now than my parents were when they had me and my twin sisters!  I had the best of birthdays, surrounded by the love and care of family and friends here.  Every birthday is better than the one before!  Unlike many, I actually think getting old is fun.  Not the tired, creaky part, but the mature, learning part.  Every year I feel wiser and stronger than the year before.  It could be just a feeling though! Lol.

My husband treated me to a lovely haircut at a lovely salon, with coffee afterwards.  My uncle, aunts, cousins, and adopted grandma made sure we had my favorite food at family lunch after church, gifted me some nice comfy leggings and sweater and a gift card to a favorite restaurant, cleaned my kitchen and house, and wrote in a birthday card "Happy Birthday to TJ's cougar...."  Which is a fair sample of the kind of love that goes on around here.  I am 16 months older than my husband, which he reminds me of on a regular basis. 😂

My sweet Isabella gave me a hug and said "Happy birthday mommy!"  She understands that birthdays are occasions to be remembered, and likes to randomly tell people happy birthday.

It's been a good year.  God is good.  Life is good.  My children are the best.  My husband is the most thoughtful and romantic partner any girl could wish for.  I am thankful!

Summer Update

Hey folks!  It's been a great summer so far, and I've been living life rather than writing about it lately.

😃  It's my first Texas summer, and it's glorious!  Everyone shudders in horror at the thought of a Texas summer, but up here on the mesa at 3500 feet the nights are cool and the days are pleasantly warm.  All through the month of July we had almost non stop thunderstorms, with lightning and rain every other day.  The girls love the storms!  They run outside at the first drops and do a rain dance, yelling "It's raining!  It's raining!"  The first storm was such a relief after seven months of drought.  We sat on the front porch and watched it come down, and when it stopped raining the street was a coursing river of muddy brown water.  We waded with the girls for two blocks and it was so much fun.  We had to carry Bella kicking and screaming into the house when evening fell and it was too dark to play in the street!

In other news, we replaced our cat incidentally.  Katniss had kittens in the beginning of April, and we decided to keep one kitten and fix the old cat so she couldn't continue littering the continent with millions of copies of herself.  (She had 3 litters in one year!!!!)  Well, Katniss must have caught the rumor because the day I went to the vet to make the appointment she disappeared completely.  We haven't seen hair nor hide nor whisker of her since, and I can only speculate on what happened to her.  Her progeny, who is her lookalike and is named Shadow, is if possible an even better cat--and at 12 weeks we had her fixed so she couldn't follow in the promiscuous ways of her mother.  The girls love her to death, and she lets them do anything with her.  Even the cat haters in our family admit that she's a decent sort of feline person.

T.J. and Glayde have been pushing hard to complete the house enough to pass inspection, and it's so beautiful!  We have 3 1/2 finished rooms now, and the outside is being painted a lovely shade of green, replacing the hideous light blue that nowhere near matched the green roof.  There are so many freaking details to remodeling a house!  I'll be almost sad when it is finished because it's such a blessing having Glayde and Debbie over 2-3 times a week.  With Glayde and TJ working together the witty banter and insults never stop, and they keep us laughing continually! 

We've had a number of family visitors over the past 3 months.  In the beginning of May Christina spent a week with us which was great!  She brought stuffed bunnies for the girls, and we were able to spend a lot of good time together. Lizzy called her "'Stina," which was adorable of course!!!  Our cousin Amethyst married her fiance Jordan while she was here, and the wedding was a blast.  Some friends I met on Facebook happened to be in the area and stayed at our house for three days.  They had a little girl Bella's age and a toddler Lizzy's age, and we had a lot in common which made for a very pleasant visit.   My mom and sister Miriam visited us on Memorial Day weekend, and we had a really good time with them.  Miriam worked with TJ on the house, and Mom spent quality time with the grandbabies. Then my second cousin Jason and his new wife Lisa visited the family here recently.  We all met Lisa for the first time and loved her!  Glayde and TJ teased the life out of Jason, asking him how he persuaded such a nice girl to marry him, and making him turn various shades of red and pink.

It was a good thing Christina was able to visit us when she did, because a few weeks later she was diagnosed with cancer, on top of a number of other health issues she'd been dealing with.  She's been heavy on my heart, thinking of her and praying for her and thinking about life in general and how frail it is, and how it's good to know and trust a God who has us safe in the hollow of His hand.  She had major surgery and now we are all holding our breath waiting to find out exactly what kind of cancer it is and what chances she has.  I'm going to have to do a blog post just about her--I have like sixteen million memories with that girl, she was  my best friend in all the world before TJ came along!

Fourth of July was a barrel of fun!  We went to the Vanderford's and ate barbecue and played games.  Then people scattered to find the best place to watch fireworks from.  TJ got a blanket and ladder and took me up on the roof of our garage, which is flattish and had the absolute perfect view for the fireworks display at the park.  The girls were asleep in bed and it was glorious, just him and me and the amazing show going on! The fireworks have not faded in the least from our marriage, just sayin'. 😍😜  It was a good thing we didn't actually go to the show at the park, because there ended up being a fire and traffic was snarled up for hours.  The smoke was pretty bad too!

Isabella and Elizabeth are growing into such fine, smart young ladies. Bella began potty training a few weeks ago, and goes in the correct place almost every time.  Bella is still very interested in the alphabet and reading, and Lizzy is starting to pick up letters and numbers and can more or less count to 10.  Bella is developing strong opinions about the world and life in general, and is beginning to boss her sister around quite a bit.  Lizzy has an independent personality though, and she goes along with the plan because she's easygoing but then she isn't afraid to stand up to her sister.  She really isn't afraid of anything at all, actually! Yesterday they found a dead dragonfly floating in the kiddie pool.  They were fascinated.  Bella backed away and said "I don't want to touch it!"  Lizzy dived her hand in the water and picked it right up.  Then Bella decided she would hold it too.

Lizzy says "Day-doo" (thank you) politely for everything.  It's pretty darn cute!!!

The girls spend hours playing in their enormous backyard.  Bella helped me plant an apple tree, which is the extent of the gardening I'm doing this year.  We are concentrating time and resources on the house, but hopefully next year I can hook up the gray water and make some raised beds, and grow food on our shower and washing machine water!  I like the idea of recycling and saving money at the same time.  I also want to get a few chickens for eggs.  The girls will be 2 and 3 in the spring, and can be more involved and helpful with the chicken project.

As our toddlers grow and learn to express their thoughts in English, the hilarious little exchanges make my day and must needs be recorded so I don't forget.

This was from yesterday: I kissed Bella in the morning when we first got up, as usual.  She exclaimed "Mommy, don't kiss my everywhere!  I don't like it, it makes me sad!"  She ran to the drawer of cleaning rags, took one out and washed all my kisses off. (That was a one time thing, she is normally a very affectionate little person!!!)

Tuesday Glayde had the day off work, and was here painting the house.  I closed the door of a room under construction because Bella was getting into things that she shouldn't.  She became very angry with me and started yelling at me.  I was calmly responding and telling her to calm down and stop being angry.  Glayde comes in, "Bella I can hear you all the way outside!  Don't talk to your mother like that, or you're going down for a nap!"

About ten minutes later, Lizzy did something Bella didn't like.  Bella used the same firm tone of voice: "Lizzy, stop, you can't do that!  Or you're going down for a nap!!!" 

Lizzy hugging a fuzzy bunny

Painting the house!

Shadow. Katniss' mini-me, only better.

Dancing sisters

Daddy is the best!!!

Screaming in the new empty bathroom just to hear the echoes!

Drums at church

My eldest daughter

4th of July in Canyon

Many trips to Lowe's!

Bella's Honeycrisp Apple Tree

Father's Day!  TJ is the most amazing dad in the world, and his girls will always know it.

Grandma Lynette visits

My little sister Miriam is almost sixteen!

I love this woman
Christina Atwell

Why I Saved And Did Not Save My First Kiss

 Greetings on a chilly April day here in Texas.  We've enjoyed beautiful warm weather for a few days, and then today hit dank and cold and a little foggy.  The girls are playing in the wood pile outside, and I'm watching them through the open back door, thinking about all sorts of things particularly and life in general, and more especially about how I haven't blogged in over a month.

This morning a very sweet thing happened and started me thinking about affection and kissing between humans.  The girls and I were piled together in bed after TJ left for work this morning, and they were just beginning to wake and show signs of life.  Bella sleepily turned over and opened one eye, looking at Lizzy.  "Baby, do you love me?" she said in her soft little voice.  Lizzy stirred, smiled at her sister, and they hugged each other and kissed.

Mommy melted into a puddle at the sight of those two sweet innocent beings showing affection to each other.  I just hope Lizzy remembers that moment next time Bella throws something at her or pushes her down! LOL  (We are working with her on how to treat her sister kindly.  It's an ongoing process!)

I grew up with the idea that one's first romantic kiss was to be guarded with all jealousy and purity of spirit, as if it was one's virginity.  There was a lot of fear involved in the way I was taught, unfortunately.  "If you date, you are setting yourself up to get divorced!"  "If you give away your first kiss before your wedding day, you're going to have problems in your marriage!"  "If you aren't a virgin, or gave your heart away to someone else you aren't married to, then you are an 'opened package' and no one will want you!"  There was so much fear in my heart and life that I didn't allow myself to experiment in even a healthy way sexually, and didn't go on a first date with anyone for fear I or they might get "defrauded" if it didn't work out. My first date was with the man who is now my husband, when I was 27 years old.  Although I am so glad I saved myself entirely for him, I regret that my life decisions up to that point were based on fear--not love, grace, and confidence in God and in myself to make the right decision.  I wish I'd saved myself for him because I wanted to, not because I was afraid not to.

Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18)  Fear cripples, destroys, and stunts who God made you to be.  Never make any life decision out of fear--not the small ones or the big ones.  I still struggle with it even though I have learned so very much in the past four years, mostly thanks to the amazing man in my life who is my best friend, and who encourages me daily to be myself to the best of my ability, to trust in God, and fear nothing.

I knew on our first date at a little Chinese restaurant that I would marry TJ Greer.  I was nervous and very excited about this new adventure in my life, and wasn't afraid of the relationship or of becoming that vulnerable with someone, letting them see me for who I was in everything.  I was afraid of kissing though!  It's funny when I think about it now, but I had a vague idea that kissing somehow would magically open the gateway to all kinds of terrifying unknowns.  I had watched so many couples at weddings kiss for the first time, and talk about how awesome it was and brag how they saved it all those years and how pure it all was.  I wanted with all my heart to please God, but I couldn't figure out in what way kissing might displease Him.  I'd learned not to take all the extrabiblical teachings I was raised with at face value, and dig a little deeper.  I had conversations about it with TJ, and he was all for kissing.  Two and a half days after our first date, I decided I was sick of not kissing just because I was afraid to.

I remember that first kiss.  Not because it was magical or incredible or amazing, but because it was awkward and hilarious and we were so new at it and figuring things out!  I remember being surprised, and disappointed that fireworks didn't explode and worlds collapse as I entered into the realm of the kissed.  It was really fun to learn the art, and after the initial shock of not being shocked, I decided everything I'd ever been told about kissing was wrong, and I gave myself the freedom to bond with the human I had chosen in the appropriate way.  I'll always remember when we learned how to make out, about two weeks into the relationship.  It was at a bus stop outside of a Walmart in Oregon.  FUN!

One week after our first date

Later my thoughts on the issue became more crystallized and coherent as we talked and learned together.  God made people to be relationship oriented creatures.  And physical affection is like everything else in life--there is an appropriate time and place for it all.  Standards might vary from individual to individual depending on their comfort zone, but the basics are generally the same everywhere, and it is dangerous to impose legalistic rules on others that have no basis in fact or even religion.  Not only is the Bible mostly silent on kissing, what it does say is in favor of the activity.  Romans 16:16 and 2 Corinthians 13:12 both command that Christians greet one another with a holy kiss, and several times we are also commanded to treat one another with brotherly affection.  I don't know where the heck people got the idea that somehow God doesn't approve of kissing.

Engaged!

I have zero regrets about showing my boyfriend affection before our marriage, including kissing.  It was an amazing way to bond with him and show him that he was more special than any other friend in my life.  It didn't cause any handicaps or problems in our marriage, quite the reverse!  If I ended up not marrying him I still wouldn't regret it.  If others wish to hold themselves to different standards, more power to you.  But don't impose your rules on others please.

How could I Not kiss him!!!!!

In other news, my kitchen is almost complete thanks to my hard working man.  Last Sunday Uncle Glayde and Aunt Debbie came over and now we have a nice little fence in the front yard to keep the kiddos out of the street, replacing my redneck compilation of random boards screwed together. We have two weddings coming up  that we're really looking forward to! Lizzy has started talking up a storm, and her favorite word is "No!" Our cat who loves her own species far too much has blessed us with a third litter of kittens this year, prompting me to stop being lazy about getting the darn animal fixed ASAP.

I have piles of dishes and laundry that stubbornly refuse to wash themselves, so I will bid thee, dear reader, adieu for the present.

Anybody want a kitten, pleeeeez????

New fence!

Picnic outside on a beautiful day

Take it already!

Playing with her doll