This morning a very sweet thing happened and started me thinking about affection and kissing between humans. The girls and I were piled together in bed after TJ left for work this morning, and they were just beginning to wake and show signs of life. Bella sleepily turned over and opened one eye, looking at Lizzy. "Baby, do you love me?" she said in her soft little voice. Lizzy stirred, smiled at her sister, and they hugged each other and kissed.
Mommy melted into a puddle at the sight of those two sweet innocent beings showing affection to each other. I just hope Lizzy remembers that moment next time Bella throws something at her or pushes her down! LOL (We are working with her on how to treat her sister kindly. It's an ongoing process!)
I grew up with the idea that one's first romantic kiss was to be guarded with all jealousy and purity of spirit, as if it was one's virginity. There was a lot of fear involved in the way I was taught, unfortunately. "If you date, you are setting yourself up to get divorced!" "If you give away your first kiss before your wedding day, you're going to have problems in your marriage!" "If you aren't a virgin, or gave your heart away to someone else you aren't married to, then you are an 'opened package' and no one will want you!" There was so much fear in my heart and life that I didn't allow myself to experiment in even a healthy way sexually, and didn't go on a first date with anyone for fear I or they might get "defrauded" if it didn't work out. My first date was with the man who is now my husband, when I was 27 years old. Although I am so glad I saved myself entirely for him, I regret that my life decisions up to that point were based on fear--not love, grace, and confidence in God and in myself to make the right decision. I wish I'd saved myself for him because I wanted to, not because I was afraid not to.
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Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18) Fear cripples, destroys, and stunts who God made you to be. Never make any life decision out of fear--not the small ones or the big ones. I still struggle with it even though I have learned so very much in the past four years, mostly thanks to the amazing man in my life who is my best friend, and who encourages me daily to be myself to the best of my ability, to trust in God, and fear nothing.
I knew on our first date at a little Chinese restaurant that I would marry TJ Greer. I was nervous and very excited about this new adventure in my life, and wasn't afraid of the relationship or of becoming that vulnerable with someone, letting them see me for who I was in everything. I was afraid of kissing though! It's funny when I think about it now, but I had a vague idea that kissing somehow would magically open the gateway to all kinds of terrifying unknowns. I had watched so many couples at weddings kiss for the first time, and talk about how awesome it was and brag how they saved it all those years and how pure it all was. I wanted with all my heart to please God, but I couldn't figure out in what way kissing might displease Him. I'd learned not to take all the extrabiblical teachings I was raised with at face value, and dig a little deeper. I had conversations about it with TJ, and he was all for kissing. Two and a half days after our first date, I decided I was sick of not kissing just because I was afraid to.
I remember that first kiss. Not because it was magical or incredible or amazing, but because it was awkward and hilarious and we were so new at it and figuring things out! I remember being surprised, and disappointed that fireworks didn't explode and worlds collapse as I entered into the realm of the kissed. It was really fun to learn the art, and after the initial shock of not being shocked, I decided everything I'd ever been told about kissing was wrong, and I gave myself the freedom to bond with the human I had chosen in the appropriate way. I'll always remember when we learned how to make out, about two weeks into the relationship. It was at a bus stop outside of a Walmart in Oregon. FUN!
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| One week after our first date |
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| Engaged! |
I have zero regrets about showing my boyfriend affection before our marriage, including kissing. It was an amazing way to bond with him and show him that he was more special than any other friend in my life. It didn't cause any handicaps or problems in our marriage, quite the reverse! If I ended up not marrying him I still wouldn't regret it. If others wish to hold themselves to different standards, more power to you. But don't impose your rules on others please.
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| How could I Not kiss him!!!!! |
In other news, my kitchen is almost complete thanks to my hard working man. Last Sunday Uncle Glayde and Aunt Debbie came over and now we have a nice little fence in the front yard to keep the kiddos out of the street, replacing my redneck compilation of random boards screwed together. We have two weddings coming up that we're really looking forward to! Lizzy has started talking up a storm, and her favorite word is "No!" Our cat who loves her own species far too much has blessed us with a third litter of kittens this year, prompting me to stop being lazy about getting the darn animal fixed ASAP.
I have piles of dishes and laundry that stubbornly refuse to wash themselves, so I will bid thee, dear reader, adieu for the present.
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| Anybody want a kitten, pleeeeez???? |
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| New fence! |
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| Picnic outside on a beautiful day |
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| Take it already! |
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| Playing with her doll |
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