Song, Sunshine, and Stories: September 2018

Me, as a newborn baby. Her first granddaughter.

My grandmother on my mom's side, Elizabeth Bitikofer, passed away very peacefully yesterday evening around 7 PM. She had been very sick for quite a while, and at age 84 was ready to quit this life and move on to the next. I've been thinking a lot about her the past few days, and naturally one's thoughts also turn to life after death and what happens when you cross through those portals to the great Beyond.

Death is inevitable, for humans are mortal. It is a blessing in disguise, an escape from the follies and pain of life on earth. I remember reading J.R. Tolkien's book The Silmarillion where he speaks of his imaginary Middle Earth and how the Elves were created, and that the elves were jealous of humans because they themselves were cursed with immortality. The Bible, which is the oldest and most remarkable book ever written, has surprisingly little to say about the details of the afterlife. There are generalities spoken of, such as the righteous being given eternal life and experiencing bliss forever while the wicked are punished and destroyed. There's a new heaven and a new earth to come spoken of, but that's not really about the afterlife per se because it hasn't happened yet. But this post was intended to be about Grandma, so I'll save the rest of my thoughts on the subject for another day!

Unfortunately I didn't grow up with my grandparents in my life very much. They did their best to make the long trek to visit, and we would visit them, but seeing each other once a year wasn't really enough to form a real relationship. We were a large family too, and did everything together all the time, so it was more of a relationship with our family in general than with us grandchildren individually in particular. I do have some very good memories though, and pictures help a lot!

I remember Grandma liked to sew, and made us multiple sets of outfits, often matching. When Mom decided to go Amish and dress us in long plain dresses, Grandma cheerfully sewed long plain dresses for us. She was very sweet and loving and easygoing, and I rarely heard her express her opinions on things. One thing she was particular about--she didn't want us to wash our hands in her kitchen sink. Her kitchen sink was kept sacred for dish washing only. I also remember thinking she liked to cook, but she confided to me once that she'd been cooking for her entire life and was very glad when someone else would take over! I don't feel like doing the math, but she must have cooked thousands and thousands of meals for her family growing up and then after she was married. Girl deserved a break for sure!

After Grandpa passed away in 2003, Grandma still came out to visit us whenever she could. When my brother was diagnosed with cancer she came out and stayed with us for a couple of months, and then flew back again for his memorial service. She was such a blessing, working tirelessly to help while my parents tried to cope with what we all were going through. I remember once she visited us for a couple of weeks and washed the dishes every single day for us. That was no easy task, as we were a family of 10!

I have two collections of memories of Grandma that I treasure. One was when she visited us almost ten years ago and I took her out to lunch at Papa John's Pizza. That was really fun, and probably the first time I'd spent individual time with her! The second time was when I took the train out to Kansas from California and visited her in 2011. Just me, no one else. That was also a first! I was able to get to know my relatives in the midwest and Grandma in particular in a way I never had before, because I had been part of a group at all times. We had such a good time, walking around the Arboretum admiring the flowers, working together in a local thrift shop ministry she volunteered at, doing puzzles, and driving up north to visit Uncle Mervin and Aunt Cathy. I am so glad I went, and will always remember those times fondly!

Grandma was always, always positive and encouraging. I don't think I ever heard a negative word out of her! She had smile lines in her face, and I rarely remember a time she didn't smile. She was very serious about the Lord and read her Bible and was never afraid to talk about her faith. But she didn't push her ideas on you, she made you want to listen to her because you knew she cared about you. She is a great example to me in this way, because I do struggle with negative thoughts and speaking words that I wish I could take back later. I am working on my listening and speaking skills, but she had fifty years of experience on me, and I hope by the time I'm eighty-something I will be perfect like her! Lol.

Several memories stand out to me in a whole ream of memories cataloged under the heading "Grandma's Sense of Humor." When I visited her seven years ago, I went to church with her on Sunday morning. The preacher was preaching a very fiery and passionate sermon on miracles, and how everybody is supposed to have enough faith to perform them. He said something to the effect of "one of these days we're going to learn how to pray and raise the dead, and go raise the dead at all the cemeteries!" Grandma leans over to me and whispers, "When I die, please let me stay dead!" Will do, dear Grandma, will do.

The other memory also makes me smile every time I think of it. Around 12 years ago I had just bought my first digital camera when Grandma visited us, and was shooting everything in sight. It was so fun not to be restricted to film any more! Anyway my mom and Grandma were working together in the garden pulling weeds, and I took a picture of them from behind, both bent over at the waist in their long denim skirts. When I showed Grandma the picture, she laughed and laughed, and requested a print. She thought it was the funniest thing ever, their blue denim clad keisters sticking up like two weird towers out of the greenery!

I always thought my Grandma was beautiful. She dressed classy, and was a lady inside and out. She sure wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty though! She grew up on a farm, then raised four children and went through the incredibly difficult process of having a fifth stillborn. She was strong and brave, gentle and cheerful under all circumstances. The love she had for Jesus and for her fellow man shone through in everything she did and said.

I am sure I'll think of more memories in these next few weeks as we prepare to travel up to Kansas for the memorial service. One of the many things I'm thankful for is that Grandma knew my dear husband, TJ, long before we were married. I even have several pictures of the two of them together while we were just friends, years before we fell in love (I did have a crush on him though! That's the reason I have the pictures, I was stalking him LOL.)

The service will be a joyful celebration of Grandma Elizabeth's life by all who knew and loved her. It's really impossible to be sad. She is in a much better place now, and heaven's gates are rejoicing!