This week I finally read the journal my mother wrote 13 years ago detailing the events leading up to my little brother's passing away from cancer when he was almost 15 years old. I knew it would wreck me, but I finally felt ready for it, and I was right. I felt the loss all over again, and bawled like a baby thinking of the memories I would never share with my brother, as well as the three babies of my own who went to heaven in the last year. Dealing with my sister almost dying in a motorcycle accident and being in the hospital for weeks is also bringing fresh back into my mind the pain of it all, and how important is the time we have with our loved ones. I cherish every minute of every day with my husband and sweet babies, and I can't wait to fly up and see my sister again and make up for lost time. Grudges are not only stupid, they also eat up the golden moments and turn them dark with unnecessary pain. I have learned forgiveness and love in the crucible of loss, and when the worst happens I have learned to look around me and count the blessings I have left rather than dwell upon the ones I do not. There is no fear for me in death, there is only the sorrow and pain of missing out on time with the ones I love.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
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