“The home is the first and most effective place to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self control, the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home.”
― David O. McKay
As 2019 slides into 2020 and we are not (yet) gliding along in gravity defying vehicles but we
are living in a world that is gradually being taken over by robots (seriously they even vacuum your floors for you), and as the small people in my house grow larger every day, I've been giving a good deal of thought to the future and especially the futures of said small ones. They are growing up in a completely different world than I did in so many ways, and I've been contemplating the challenge of educating them to be successful in this new world. A technological revolution on the scale of the Industrial Revolution of the 40's has created changes that affect every part of our lives today, and adapting to those changes and keeping up with the times is vitally important to the health and well being of ourselves and our children.
“What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all.”
― John Holt
I grew up in the 1800's, figuratively speaking. My mother, who grew up on a farm herself, was fascinated by pioneer life in the 1700's and 1800's and did her best to duplicate those times wherever possible. She loved the Little House on the Prairie books, Daniel Boone, Davy Crockett, the Oregon Trail, and everything about the colonization of America by the settlers. We wore prairie dresses and bloomers and long braids as our daily attire, drawing looks and comments wherever we went (it was funny, in our hauntings of museums across the country, people always assumed we were part of the displays!) We grew giant gardens and fruit trees and raised every animal you can imagine. We churned our own butter and made cheese and jam and canned everything but the kitchen sink, butchered our own meat, milked a cow morning and evening by hand, and cooked on an old propane stove that Laura Ingalls herself could have used. (Not exaggerating either, the stove was manufactured around the time the famous author passed away!) We even had oil lamps in case the power went out, and made our own soap and sewed all of our clothes. No media whatever was allowed except reading material, not even the radio, and we listened to cassette tapes of classical music and played piano and recorder.
“We can get too easily bogged down in the academic part of homeschooling, a relatively minor part of the whole, which is to raise competent, caring, literate, happy people.”
― Diane Flynn Keith
Now while I love so many aspects of how I grew up and am very thankful for the skill set I have in my back pocket (in event of a zombie apocalypse or nuclear war, you want me on your team!), I'm also disappointed by the huge gaping holes in my education when it came to leave the nest and get along in the real world. I know how to survive on top of a mountain or on a Robinson Crusoe island, but I did not know how to survive in the 21st century. When I left home to be married, I had no idea how to budget, I didn't know how to buy a home or rent an apartment or find a good deal on a car, I had a rudimentary knowledge of how to navigate the online world (only because I bought a laptop when I was 19 and had been trying to teach myself), and I was constantly frustrated by my complete ignorance of my culture. I didn't know how to do online banking or use an ATM or balance a checkbook. I knew how to kill and clean my own meat but I didn't know how to find healthy meat options in the supermarket. I very quickly learned all these things--humans are astonishingly adaptable to their circumstances--but some of the habits ingrained in me from childhood have been very difficult to kick. Habits such as creating and sticking to a schedule, maintaining discipline and order in my home, and--again--budgeting, have proved very sore spots that I still struggle with on a daily basis.
Now that I've laid out a bit of background as to where I come from, I want to lay out some thoughts on my current philosophy of education. My ideas and thoughts about school have evolved greatly over the past number of years and having children has accelerated them into stark reality. Suddenly I don't have theories, I have actual people that I must equip for success in the world we live in today, and it's both exciting and scary at the same time!
Parental Involvement is Key to Success
“[Homeschooling]...recipe for genius: More of family and less of school, more of parents and less of peers, more creative freedom and less formal lessons.”
― Raymond S. Moore, School Can Wait
One of the most powerful and poignant truths I've observed over my entire life, in all the different ways parents around me chose to educate their children, is that the more involved the parents are in the child's life, the happier and more well adjusted that child turns out to be--all the way into adulthood. (That is, provided the parents are also happy and well adjusted individuals.) I noticed that even when the parents totally and completely fell down on the job and left the raising of their children to the state (public school) or to themselves (what I call lazy home schooling), if the child had a mentor somewhere--an adult (teacher, aunt, uncle, grandparent, friend) who put quality time into the child and guided them through the difficulties of life--that child still was able to achieve success. One of my very favorite parents whose example I ponder often when I think of how I want to involve myself in my children's education is Mr. Galbraith in the classic book
Cheaper By The Dozen. He had twelve children in the 50's, and he did not leave their education to the public schools. Every one of his children went to public school, but Mr. Galbraith loved to teach them faster than their teachers could. He glued pictures of the solar system along the floor in their home so the little ones could learn about the planets. He quizzed them on math at the dinner table and made a game of memorizing times tables. He wrote secret messages in Morse Code all over the house and gave the children the key, and they raced to decipher the messages. He visited their schools regularly and got to know their teachers and was actively interested in everything his children were being taught. And this is across three different schools at the same time, for 12 children!! Their mother was also involved but I absolutely love this story because I notice that in homeschooling families, 95% of the time the mother does pretty much all the home schooling and the dad "lets" her do it. I believe it is
vitally important for fathers especially to be active and interested in their own children's education. My husband is amazing when it comes to this--he loves teaching, and involves the girls in everything he does. He lets them sand things and drill things in his shop, teaching them the names of tools and letting them "help" him. He's told me many times that when it comes time for actual schooling he wants to be included. "Give me a class and I will teach it!" he says. I believe that if a man isn't interested in raising a child then he shouldn't have one.
Encourage A Love of Learning
“[The public school system is] usually a twelve year sentence of mind control.
Crushing creativity, smashing individualism, encouraging collectivism and
compromise, destroying the exercise of intellectual inquiry, twisting it
instead into meek subservience to authority.”
― Walter Karp
I used to think that an important part of schooling was teaching children to love learning. But now that I have actual experience, in the forms of a 3 year old and a 4 year old and my job at a preschool, I've noticed that all children
already passionately love learning and in fact it's hard not to teach them! They ask thousands of questions and soak up everything around them like little sponges. One of my biggest problems with public education is that in pursuit of averages and grades it caters to only a very small percentage of children who actually enjoy learning in such an environment. For the rest, from my observation public school in both atmosphere and curriculum tends to completely squash all joy in learning about the world and reduce a child's natural thirst for knowledge to a stressful pursuit of an artificially created "score" or "grade." I have hundreds of mom friends on Facebook and am part of a number of mommy groups. One mom posted that she was concerned for her 13 year old daughter, who was having to complete 2-3 hours of homework every night and getting so little sleep she was crying with exhaustion. When I read that my heart broke for that little girl and I was furious at the education system that would do this to her. When I was 13 I read every book I could lay my hands on and explored every nook and cranny of the small world I lived in. I can only imagine the places my 13 year old daughters will go when not artificially restrained by either public school or a cult-like home school philosophy! I actually know homeschoolers who were academically ready for college at age 14 because their parents did not fetter them with standardized state expectations. Studying for a test does nothing for the student. It doesn't challenge their thinking or lead them to explore new worlds. It doesn't allow them to tap into their creative and inventive side. It doesn't allow them to solve real problems or come up with original ideas. I remember when I was around 15 I had a conversation with a public schooled friend in which I remarked how much I loved the subject of history. He responded, "I hate history! All those dry dates to memorize!" My mother didn't "teach" me history. She simply read exciting books to me about eras and cultures and battles and countries forming and changing, biographies and historical fiction that made them come alive, and she took me on field trips to historic sites and museums. The dates sort of naturally stuck in my brain along the way.
Socialization Is Extremely Important
“Any child who can spend an hour or two a day, or more if he wants, with adults that he likes, who are interested in the world and like to talk about it, will on most days learn far more from their talk than he would learn in a week of school.”
― John Holt
One of the biggest objections raised to home schooling is the socialization question. What many people who use this objection don't realize is that socialization is not a unique problem to home schooling, it is simply a challenge in general that all children face--public schooled and home schooled alike. Tossing a child in a cage where he is forced to get along with his peers 8+ hours per day is about as unnatural as it can get, and I'm sure everyone who has been to school remembers the pecking order and the trauma that they experienced depending on where they landed in that pecking order. Imagine adults being forced into the same situation. They make movies about that stuff, seriously. There are so many issues on both sides of the question, but from observation and experience I conclude that overcoming those issues is easier on the part of a home schooled child. In public school I have absolutely no control over who associates with my tender, growing little child, and I do not wish my children to be subjected to the trauma of bullying and figuring out where they are on the social ladder before they are ready and strong. (Trust me, home schooling has it's bullies too. But again, they're so much easier to deal with because the parents actually have control of the situation.)
Another huge problem with school socialization is the selective nature of that socialization. Unless (again) the parents are involved enough to remedy this, the child only associates and befriends those of their same age and general social strata. One of the things I'm extremely grateful for is the wide variety of friends of many ages and cultures I made while growing up. Two of my best friends were seven years and three years older than me, and another best friend was a year younger. I had dear friendships with elderly people, and regular conversations and activities with children many years younger than myself. I was older sister to some and younger sister to others, and I loved that. In fact, one of our difficulties right now with finding a church group to be actively a part of is that churches create their programs around peer groups. There's college age and young married and old married groups, and it's altogether disheartening and frustrating. We need the wisdom of couples older than us, and we'd love to mentor those younger than us, and we want our children to form eclectic friendships with as diverse a circle as possible. I hate how society unnaturally divides us this way from birth! As a home school mom I can actively search out and find those friendships for my children and look for friends and neighborhood activities where they aren't confined to their own peer groups. And before you throw examples at me of home schooled kids you know who don't know how to talk to anyone, again that is the responsibility of the parents to socialize their children properly, and I can give you dozens of examples of public schooled children who don't even know how to give the time of day to someone who isn't their own age. In fact comedians make a constant joke of this, and comic strips poke fun at it. It's a pervasive problem which proves once again how important it is for parents to be involved in their children's social lives!
Yes, I'm Qualified To Teach
“Real education must ultimately be limited to men who insist on knowing. The rest is mere sheep herding.”
― Ezra Pound
No, I don't have a teacher's certificate. I wish I did, because the knowledge and experience of a teaching degree would be an invaluable tool in my belt. However I am qualified to teach my child simply because I know them and love them better than anyone else in the entire world, even the most loving and qualified teacher. Special strengths and abilities as well as disabilities will be accommodated and encouraged because of this, and I will be able to have the one on one time tutoring my student that every good teacher longs to have with theirs. I will be able to research and find the information I need to provide my child with the ability to soar far beyond any knowledge I possess or skill I can provide. One on one teaching is a method as old as the world itself, and began with the first man showing his son how to gather fruit and hunt a deer. If I don't possess the skill myself, I'll find someone to teach that skill to my child (my older daughter is already in ballet and gym classes). I don't have to have all the knowledge, I just need to know how to find it, and I will enjoy learning alongside my children every day!
I Am Not The Only Teacher
One of the false educational philosophies I grew up with and had to unlearn was the idea that the parent of a child is the
only one who should teach that child. "God has called us to teach our own children" was preached constantly, forgetting that some parents simply aren't able to commit to home schooling their children 100%, plus it is unhealthy for a young mind to be narrowed and confined to learning from one person only. The big, beautiful world of knowledge is out there to explore, and it is vitally important to see all sides of every question and not be afraid of the pursuit of truth. Parents are fallible and make mistakes, and I look forward to the day my child comes to me and points out that I have erred in something and corrects me, for that will show me that they are thinking logically and for themselves. I want to gather a group of wise adults around my children that they can trust and look up to, who can both teach them things that I didn't and reinforce things that I did. In fact, in this season of life where my daughters must attend a Christian preschool, I love how their teachers reinforce all the good things I'm
already teaching them. It gives more weight to my words when other adults in their lives tell them the same things I do. I remember learning things from other adults in my life growing up, things that my mom had already tried to teach me but I either wasn't listening or she hadn't hit upon the "click" moment in my brain. Another adult told me the same thing in a different way and the light bulb came on for me. We are an interactive society and our children need to learn how to process the information they receive from other adults, not just their parents.
Joy in Learning And Teaching
And lastly, a huge reason I want to home school my children is simply so that I don't miss out on all those wonderful moments of learning and teaching them! Seeing their eyes light up with enthusiasm and wonder as they learn about their big, beautiful world is a special, intoxicating joy that made me want to become a teacher in the first place. "Mommy! Mommy!" Bella comes running to me from the other room. "Atoms are in everything! They're everywhere! Atoms are in electricity!" she tells me seriously. Her Dad has been talking to her again, obviously. She was so excited to share with me what she learned. I don't want to miss out on those little moments! I love watching children learn, and every time I teach someone else's child something the pure joy of the moment is tinged with sadness that their parent is missing out.
Pitfalls of Homeschooling
Just as in all areas of life, there are dangerous thought patterns and habits to be aware of and avoid when it comes to education at home. Knowing what these are and being on a lookout for them gives me a confidence that I'll be able to avoid them and raise healthy minded, well rounded children with a broad outlook on life and a deep value for the things in life that really matter. I was home schooled myself and raised in a community of those who shared most of my family's beliefs and values, and so I have the advantage of a personal up front view of the ways various families handled their kiddos and the bad as well as the good results of our different patterns of life. There were only two disadvantages that I saw. The first I already touched on, socialization. I, and many I knew, were desperately lonely for friends and still have difficulty forming friendships as adults because we just don't fit in anywhere. As I said, this is also a problem in public school--the loneliness of being surrounded by people who don't know your name and don't care. A good network of support and love and friendship is important for the mental and spiritual health of the human race, and we must actively seek that out and be vulnerable, open, and be willing to involve ourselves in other people's lives. There's a reason the TV show
Friends is one of the best rated television shows out there and will probably rerun until the end of time. Every human desperately longs for that level of friendship and loyalty and support, and as a mother it is my duty to make sure that my children have the opportunity to form those key relationships.
The second pitfall I noticed--and the whole world notices in the form of the most famous homeschooling family on TV, the Duggars--is the cult-like tendencies resulting from insulating one's self from new ideas, and the power trip that it gives a person--especially men--to be in complete control over their families with no outside interference and no accountability. I saw this over and over and over--well meaning parents who sincerely wanted the best for their children, following a cult leader like Bill Gothard or making up their own little cults by cherry picking verses out of the Bible and then cutting everyone out of their lives who didn't agree fully with them (and for some people that meant
everyone). In extreme cases this has resulted in tragic stories like that of the
Turpin family, and children have even died because there was no one in their lives to interfere with the parents' poor choices. Once again, this can also be a problem in public school; however teachers are trained to observe and report signs of abuse and so there is more of a chance that those irresponsible and criminal parents will be caught and prevented from inflicting further abuse. Growing up, unfortunately I did observe a heavy and horrific amount of abuse that could have been prevented simply by a reasoning adult speaking up and confronting those who used Bible verses to justify that behavior, and once I watched this happen and the abuse immediately stopped. Speaking up is so difficult and yet so important! The person who courageously did so successfully changed the lives of those children for good, and without State interference. My point is that a good parent of reasonable frame of mind, with the good of their children at heart, and who is not brainwashed by a cult leader, will instinctively make the best choices for their children and there is minimal risk of abuse. And the more people I allow into my life to see how I treat my children and who will keep me accountable, the better! I do not live in paralyzing fear that CPS will come knocking on my door. I do not beat my children, or starve them, or keep them in filth, or verbally abuse them. I have nothing to fear and my life is an open book, on purpose, because I
want other people to set me straight if I'm doing something wrong. If you know someone, a family, an individual, anyone in your life, who is isolating themselves, please reach out to them. The wonderful, loving, amazing folks who pushed their way in when I was growing up and refused to be offended by my parents' eccentricities, literally changed my life, and are still precious to me to this day!
Conclusion
Mahatma Gandhi said, “There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent.” Psychologists and researchers agree pretty much across the board with this statement, and every study and analysis shows that home schooled students score higher on state testing across the board than public schooled students. The US now ranks 27th in the world for its levels of healthcare and education, according to a new study. This represents a significant decline from 1990, when it ranked sixth. Many parents are highly concerned over the agenda coming from Washington DC and the anti God and anti family ideology being taught in our public schools. While home schooling is not for everybody, free thinking and being willing and able to research for one's self and come to one's own conclusions is definitely something every human on the planet should be able to do, and every parent is responsible for their own child's education. One of my favorite authors, Agatha Christie, says it best: “I suppose it is because nearly all children go to school nowadays and have things arranged for them that they seem so forlornly unable to produce their own ideas.” My children will make a difference in the world someday and I pray I'll be there to see it!
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| Her own little hammer so she can help Daddy! |
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| Putting together a USA map puzzle in a dinosaur costume. This is our geography and topography lesson for today! |
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| Feeding the cows on the farm where we buy milk. |
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| "Driving" a tractor, learning about growing food. |
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| Shooting dinosaurs with Daddy--important survival education! :-D |
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| Baking cinnamon rolls with Mommy |
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| Learning demolition (and safety) |
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| Pride in a job well done |
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| Weaving with Daddy |
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| Learning to frost Christmas cookies |
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| Half of our library (home school curriculum!) |
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| Learning to read |
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| Halloween ABC's! |
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| Socializing :-) |
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| Learning to ride a bike |
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| Socialization lessons and imagination stimulation--dancing with sister and playing dress up |
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| Learning exercise and stretching |
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| And most importantly, knowing that they are loved and accepted and cared for and important! |
