Girl, Wash Your Face....And Everywhere Else Too

Jenna age 31, November 2018
Photo Credit Stephanie Greer

It's a bright, sharp Monday morning and instead of folding laundry like a good girl I'm sitting here sipping coffee and writing, while one daughter watches Aladdin and the other is singing and "cooking" on their play kitchen set.  It's a beautiful day, and fixing to be a good week.  We might even make it to the park, as it's supposed to be sunny and warm.  Figure that, in December no less!  We were supposed to receive ten inches of snow on the weekend but the storm veered south, and the weatherman once again earned my distrust.  I was really looking forward to a white Christmas photo for once!  Oh well, maybe next year.  I've been mulling over and developing thoughts on a certain hot button issue since summer, and I finally feel ready to share.

I've been noticing the latest book  for ladies smoking off the press popping up in my Facebook news feed, along with both rave reviews and critiques, and I decided to see what all the fuss was about and read it myself.  Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis was the book for women to read in 2018, and sold like hotcakes at the fair.  Now, only two chapters in, I can see why.  It's like reading chapters out of my own autobiography.  I am nodding my head as I read, noticing so many parallels to what I have learned in my life in the past few years.

Lots of other folks have written about the book and my intention is not to add my two cents to the pot, but use it as a platform to share some of my own journey.  The critiques I have read of Girl Wash Your Face so far have all been from conservative Christian authors, well meaning ladies who are very concerned about self help philosophy, as was I for many years.  The problem I see with their Godly sounding words is that they are treating the book like a theology or Bible commentary book, which it is not.  In fact, Girl Wash Your Face is a sorely needed counter to some of the toxic teachings I grew up with and still struggle with to this day.

In my growing up journey as a girl, a woman, and as a Christian, I was saturated with the false teaching that humility and effacement of self meant that I am unimportant dirt in the grand scheme of things, and the very old, old idea of self flagellation was encouraged and modeled and enforced on me.  The more one's mortal flesh suffers, the better, because one's human body is born sinful and must needs be punished for it's sinfulness.  In practical every day life it looked like this: not bathing, or grooming one's self, or eating foods that tasted good; not using central heating or air because then you won't be uncomfortably hot or cold; not wearing clothes that in any way, shape, or form looked fashionable, new, or nice; and definitely not indulging in worldly pleasures like movies, arcades, theme parks, and the like.  I have tried hard and I can remember only one or two times that we even went to a park to play, and that was because we were in a group setting.  The flesh was to be crucified and mortified at every turn, in a very  literal sense, and oh my goodness were we proud of our humility!  We were the humblest people we knew, and looked down on all those who were not as humble as we.

This toxic, prideful, and disgusting view of Jesus and the Bible still affects my subconscious to this day, and I have to fight it on so many levels it makes my head spin.  I would never have come so far on this journey if it hadn't been for my dear, sweet, wonderful husband who affirms me as a person and a woman and encourages me to take care of myself, and teaches me what true humility is by his Christlike example.

I turned 31 years old in August of this year.  That month I had, let us say, an early life crisis (I am still YOUNG, dammit!).  I went to see my cousin who is fighting cancer, and I did a whole lot of thinking and listening to the Bible and praying.  And I finally realized to the fullest how false the religion I grew up with was, and I grew angry enough to do something about it.  I started writing a book, and I made some major changes in my life.  I began obsessively searching for and watching Youtube videos on how to care for one's person and how to be a classy lady, and I grew embarrassed at the basic knowledge I learned which I should have been taught as a young girl.  I realized how far behind I was, but then I also was motivated to catch up.  I found an amazing makeup company which sold makeup with natural ingredients that was good for my face at reasonable prices (I love you My Minerals Makeup!!).  I started going to my twice weekly CrossFit workouts because I wanted to look good for my husband and myself, not because I had to, and looked up workouts to do on my off days with my girls.  I started trying different hairstyles and researching what kind of clothes I should buy for my body shape.  I was additionally motivated because my two daughters are growing up and already interested in fashion, and I wanted to be able to teach them instead of be hopelessly lost like I've been all my life!

My last kick in the pants came from a dear friend who figuratively gave me the shove I needed when it came to changing my diet.  I've struggled with my diet ever since my first pregnancy, when I craved sugar like a cocaine addict craves coke, and never kicked it.  I went on a 6 week sugar cleanse and grocery shopped completely differently than I had for four years, and the results amazed and encouraged me.  (My husband is totally on board with the changes and keeps me honest when it comes to desserts!)  I lost 4 sizes, 3 inches in my waistline, and 14 lbs in 2 months.  I've slipped up a bit since our California trip but I don't beat myself up.  I just continue buying and making wholesome meals, and if I have one piece of birthday cake at a birthday party I know the sugar will work itself out of my system.  As long as I don't buy or make the things I shouldn't eat, I've continued to make progress on fat loss and energy increase.

As I read Girl, Wash Your Face I am nodding Amen to the points Mrs. Hollis makes.  Christian culture has veered so far towards "only God can help you, you can't help yourself"(which only applies to Jesus' death on the cross by the way) that we forgot to emphasize Christian duties.  We must "do," or our faith is completely meaningless.  I came across this remarkable verse in James yesterday: "You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone." (James 2:24 ESV)  Before you jump down my throat, I intend to write a whole blog post on this very subject, but right now I'm using this verse in a general sense for the purpose at hand. My point is this: we cannot sit around waiting for God to do the work He gave us to do.  God is a very wise Father, and just like a good parent He does not do His children's work for them.  So if we don't "do", the work will not be done.

My biggest takeaway from all of this is that it's actually helping others if you help yourself.  If I take care of myself, my husband and my children and the church and the community all benefit.  If I take just fifteen minutes out of my day to wash my face and comb my hair and dress nicely, if I take half an hour to exercise, if I take a little extra time to prepare a healthy meal, if I take some time to read the Bible or another profitable book and pray, everyone is happier and healthier and the ramifications are bigger than I ever imagined.  My attitude and appearance affects my family in a way I never expected.

I am both ecstatic about this and bummed it took me 31 years to learn it.  Selfishness is not taking care of ones self, it is focus on self.  I was far more selfish in my floor length skirt eating my dry lentils than I ever have been in heels and makeup.  I was so focused on my outward appearance and trying to look godly that I let the demons in my soul rampage unchecked.  Now, as I put on my makeup and pull on my jeans in the morning, and sip my coffee with my girls in my lap, I am thinking of how my husband will be pleased to see me well groomed and how my girls are seeing a daily example of femininity and a happy mother.

This is my journey so far.  May you be blessed in yours.