The Power of the Tongue

 I was in the local Sam's Club parking lot yesterday, loading my usual haul of bakery supplies and groceries into the trunk of my car, when I heard someone screaming. I jerked my gaze behind me in the direction of the sound, and spotted a mother occupied with the same duties as I--chivying at least four children and assorted goods into her Jeep. The mom was screaming at her oldest, who looked to be around 13 years old, and he was yelling back at her. She met my gaze and I could see her embarrassment and frustration even across the two wide aisles of cars.  She was much too far away for me to say anything, and I drove home in deep thought.  

I have noticed a trend among parents, as my children grow older and I also have to handle their frustrating and bizarre behavior frequently--everything from driving their cars in the toilet to tying their karate belts to their curtain rods and playing Tarzan. The trend I am talking about is complaining about our children as a form of bonding among us parents.  I catch myself doing it occasionally, and it revolts my soul. Recently I had a parent call their bright, sweet child terribly profane names in the course of a normal conversation with me, as if that was a regular and normal thing to do, while their child was listening. I didn't know what to say, I was so shocked. This person also repeated the same slur to me, at a different time and a different day, which tells me it was a regular thing and not a one time occasion. I wasn't quick enough to shut them down, but I didn't enter into their sentiment or agree with them.  Not too long ago my husband pointed out an unkind thing I said about one of my children, and I was jolted with another painful shock. Negativity is so contagious!!!!

Speaking Life into others is the duty of every decent human being, and especially of every Christian. And who is more important to speak Life into than our very own children and spouses, the people whom we see the most often and who also have the most numerous opportunities to annoy us?  There are things people have said to me in passing as a child that have stuck with me for the rest of my life, both negative and positive. I am doing my best to make it a habit to tell my kids every day that they are wonderful and beautiful and special, and that I love them. It is natural to love your children, but I also want to like them. I want to raise likable, fun humans who integrate smoothly into society and are productive and successful. 

Imagine the most important person in the world to you, the one that you look up to and admire above all else and unconsciously want to emulate. Imagine overhearing that person refer to you by a vile name in conversation with their friend. How would that make you feel? You might be used to it, desensitized by a lifetime of such abuse. (Yes, I will call it abuse.) But it slowly eats away at your soul, until finally you either believe you are the thing that they say, or you distance yourself from your abuser and find positive affirmation elsewhere.

This week we went to the bank with our girls and helped them get their first checking accounts. They were so excited to deposit the money they saved, and I was so proud of them. I am not a perfect parent by any means, but it would not occur to me to call my daughters the name my friend called their child, because I do not ever think of my girls as that nasty thing. On their occasional bouts of frustrating behavior, I take deep breaths and remind myself that they are little, immature humans who look to me as the mature human in the situation as a role model and example of responses to frustrating behavior. And with God's help I will never, ever speak of my children negatively again to another person for as long as I live. 

In conclusion, to the mom in the parking lot: I hope you find your peace and I hope someone in your life gives you a break, so that you can relax, recharge, and reconsider the way you communicate with your children. Best of luck to all you parents out there! Don't forget that "little pitchers have big ears."

"Death and Life are in the power of the tongue: those who love it will eat the fruit and bear the consequences of their words." Proverbs 18:21

Free To Be Wild

 "Oh what well-behaved children you have!"  The older couple beamed as they complimented my parents. My seven siblings and I smiled and sat at the extended restaurant table, quiet as mice and cleaning our plates.  Our parents swelled with pride, which spilled over onto our heads and increased when the nice older couple paid for our dinner (not a small bill).  We continued our meal in obedient silence and went on our merry way, secure in the knowledge that the public viewed us as "well-behaved children."

What the world did not see, behind the scenes, was the pain and relationship dissolving trauma that caused all of those young children to sit so still and behave so well.  Nowadays it worries me when I see young children who seem lifeless with no desire to wiggle, run, or jump.  And it's not necessarily because the parents are abusing them.  My kids' generation is growing up attached to screens and devices with the tenacity of a growth or external organ, and all in the name of parents' pursuit to get their offspring to sit still. Even though we didn't have electronic devices back then, correct and proper behavior was expected of us at all times, and we knew the consequences of cutting loose or causing the old folks any embarrassment.  

I had lots of expectations and ideas about children's behavior before I had kids.  Then in 2015 I was blessed with a wonderful, talented, beautiful daughter, with the energy of ten thousand suns.  One year after that I was immeasurably blessed with a second daughter, brimming with the force of the universe.  My son is not yet big enough to tear the house apart, but I expect he will be soon enough.  My children are happy, friendly, talented, imaginative, and resourceful.  They just are that way naturally--I did not train them to be.  And they are also that way because I make sure they are free to be wild.  

Here is a litany of comments I have received from friends, relatives, and the public.

"You don't spank your kids enough!"

"Why don't they sit still?"

"What is wrong with your children?"

"Gotta beat them kids!"

But far more often, this is what I get:

"Wow your children are so smart!"

"Your kids are so nice and friendly."

"Your daughter asks the best questions in class."

"Your girls have the fire and drive that will make them succeed in life!"

"Your kids are so positive."

"How do your kids make friends so easily?"

These comments are music to the ears of a mom who sometimes is beside herself to redirect the boundless energy of her progeny into productive channels.  Here is an excellent article (among many) explaining practically why young children shouldn't sit still.  But the temptation still exists to court the approval of the grandparents and great-grandparents and random old people in Costco that I don't even know.  The world is changing and my generation is jumping on board the train of understanding children's psyche and the fact that their development is more important than our pride.  I have two basic rules: Don't break things, don't hurt each other.  While other moms at the parks are freaking out seeing my girls scaling cliffs and climbing trees, I am enjoying watching them attain new heights and learn new skills. While the baby boomer in the aisle of Walmart scowls in disapproval, I am enjoying watching my 5 year old twirl her costume dress in circles and sing "I Love You, You Love Me,  We're a Happy Family!"  

When they are grumpy and tired or throw a fit in public (it doesn't happen very often), I do my best to swallow my pride and acknowledge that my children are young humans who haven't learned to bottle up their feelings yet or express them wholly with words, and although the behavior might be unacceptable it's a learning and growing experience for all of us.  Me getting mad will only make the situation worse and model behavior I don't wish them to exhibit.  Children learn by watching, you know.

Let's stop labeling normal childish behavior as naughty, or "bad", or give it a label like ADHD. (Let me repeat, normal behavior. Some kids really do have ADHD.) Let's stop listening to the naysayers who try to  tear down your kids or complain about theirs.

Good And Evil

 "You are worthless."

"You were born a sinner."

"Nothing good you do really matters."

"Being a good person is meaningless."

"Just because you are good doesn't mean God will accept you."

"Your good deeds are like filthy rags."

"No matter what you do, you can't help sinning."

This is the message that was ingrained into my being and my psyche since I was a very little girl by my conservative Christian parents and friends and relatives and the church.  You are bad. You are rotten.  You are nothing, but guess what?  This is wonderful news because there's this person named Jesus who is everything!  You should be glad you are worthless, because Jesus can magically transfer his righteousness to you if you say the right magic words.  Don't forget, you are still a nasty rotten sinner--the magic words don't change that.  But God believes the lie that you are righteous because he sees you through the wonderful glasses made of Jesus' righteousness. This magical power means that you can be guilty of any crime--no matter how gross and heinous--because salvation is through faith alone. Guess what, you are considered by God to be His beloved son or daughter, not because you are made in His image or are actually his son, but because he sees His son Jesus and manages to forget you exist or his wrath would descend upon your sinful head.

I wonder if these eager evangelists and preachers and strict parents realize what it does to a child's psyche to be taught this horrendous nonsense.  I wonder if any of them stop to consider why young people are leaving the Christian church in droves, committing suicide, or turning to drugs and prostitution. 

I remember reading the parable of the sheep and the goats in the Bible and being very confused by the vivid imagery. I didn't like the story.  It didn't fit in with anything Paul the Apostle said about salvation through faith alone. It didn't even mention faith at all. Here is the whole passage, in the New King James Version.

31“When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the [c]holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory.32All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats.  33And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left.  34Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:  35for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in;  36I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’

37“Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink?  38When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You?  39Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’  40And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

41“Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels:  42for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink;  43I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’

44“Then they also will answer [d]Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’  45Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’  46And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” Matthew 25

Here is a crazy, preposterous, heretical thought. What if Jesus actually meant exactly what He said?  Notice that first, the "righteous sheep" didn't even know they were doing righteous deeds that would save them.  They simply did the right thing, without thinking of themselves at all.  This kills the notion that self focus, or self-righteous works, will save you or makes you a good person.  It does say that doing the right thing without selfish motives 100% guarantees God's notice and has everything to do with your eternal fate.  Secondly, notice that it didn't matter what the "goats" believed or claimed to believe.  They did not DO the right thing in their mortal lives on earth, and that counted 100% against them at the pearly gates.

From beginning to end, from Adam to Cain and Abel, from the kings of Israel to the prophets, and on throughout the New Testament, the Bible--a book composed over thousands of years by hundreds of different men and women--consistently keeps a single minded theme: good vs. evil. Not faith vs non-faith.  Not good believing people, but good doing people.  Adam disobeyed God.  He was disobedient for himself.  Abraham obeyed God.  He was obedient for himself.  Jesus obeyed God.  He was obedient for himself and no other.  And what does God require of us? 

Micah 6:8   He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you but to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?

And as for a New Testament verse, what about 1 Corinthians 13: "And now abides faith, hope, and love: but the greatest of these is love."  When Jesus was asked what the most important commandment in the whole Bible was, he responded: "Love God and love your neighbor as yourself." 

I think God is consistent.  I don't think he is wishy washy or changes his mind all the time.  I don't think he cares about your theology, or even the correct theology.   I am pretty sure that he is a good judge of character. The man who dived back into the flooding berth of his sinking ship and saved 19 of his fellow men, losing his own life in the process; the woman who gives of herself selflessly every single day to save children from human trafficking; the child who shielded his little sister from the falling buildings in the San Francisco earthquake and was mortally injured--I don't think that on judgment day God asked if they knew the Catechism by heart or "believed in Jesus."

The man who proclaims the name of Christ while secretly assaulting every little boy he can lay his hands on; the woman who prays religiously and goes on mission trips but treats her husband with contempt and beats and abuses her children; the child who maliciously kidnapped and murdered a baby--I don't think God cares what they claim to believe either.  They are going straight to the great incinerator on Judgment Day.

Here's a suggestion.  Maybe we should tell our children:

"You are loved."

"You are valued."

"You were born perfect."

"You are a good person."

"You are amazing."

"You will do great things and change the world."

"Love is more important than anything else."

"Jesus loves the whole world--not just you, not America, not the nation of Israel specially--the whole entire world, and you should too."

"You are made in God's image and are his son and daughter."

Perhaps, just perhaps, then the gospel would give the world hope instead of sinking into despair. Maybe then the gospel would actually be good news that could be shared without embarrassment or regret.

Greer Family Update 2021

 Sunlight steals slowly up the mountain slopes, turning the frosty, tree-lined landscape golden and pink and purple with the morning light.  I stand outside my apartment building's main entrance, soaking in the beauty and quiet majesty of it all.  A deep breath fills my lungs with pure, crisp mountain air.  I can feel the peace and joy and hope of the day oozing through my very bones.  I still cannot believe that I really call this incredible place "Home."

In other words, the Greer family has moved yet again across state lines.  Our journey began this past summer, when we took a brief family vacation to the beautiful state of Colorado.  We needed a vacation. TJ had been working non stop without a break, and I had been carrying the load of new baby, homeschooling the girls, and running my bakery business which was exploding into something so big I had to hire help.  We decided on Colorado because my sister Katie wouldn't stop talking about how amazing her adopted state was, and besides TJ and the girls had never been there before.  So we took a little jaunt up to the State where the song "America the Beautiful" was written, and it literally took our breath away!  We squeezed as many activities as we could into five days but it felt like we'd barely scratched the surface of Colorado's potential.  A small sip, a sweet, golden, tiny little taste.  My heart felt so heavy crossing back into Texas.  After four years' sojourn in the Panhandle, I felt with my whole soul that finally here was a place I could belong. 

An idea, a small seed, a thought, blossomed into actual planning over the next few weeks.  We thought it would take about  a year to tie up loose ends and finish the house we'd been working on remodeling for the past four years.  But as we crunched numbers and tracked the housing market which was trending higher than it ever had before in real estate history, we realized that actually the iron was hot now and we had better take advantage of the opportunity to strike. Long story short, by the end of September our home was on the market and I was packing boxes. My wonderful sister Katie came down from Colorado for a weekend and worked so hard helping us clean and get rid of most of our stuff in a giant yard sale. I might become a minimalist, I hate stuff now! So much work!  TJ's longtime friend Andrew came down with a trailer from Colorado Springs and helped pack, friends from Canyon and Amarillo came over to help pack and clean, and October 17th--almost four years to the day from when we moved to Texas--we headed north.  One small Uhaul trailer, 2 pickups and a mini van.  Andrew graciously let us stay 3 weeks at his place while we were waiting for our apartment to be ready, and by Thanksgiving we were settled in our new state and new place with a new job and a new life.  

We love it here so much!  Every day fresh adventure awaits.  TJ finished his real estate licensing program, and I am enjoying my part time job at Costco.  Bella and Lizzy are doing extremely well at first grade and kindergarten. Bella is reading at a first grade level and Lizzy is actually quite good at penmanship.  I think she inherited the artistic gene that runs in our family! 

Our newest family member was born this year April 21st. Our sweet, adorable, amazing Oliver Theodore turned 8 months old on Winter Solstice. His birth story was incredible and I still need to write it all out!  He was born at an amazing little birth center in Amarillo Texas, into his daddy's arms with his two big sisters watching and helping.  Words can't express the blessing this little being is to our family and all who know him!  From day one he has been a happy, joyous, content baby, utterly and completely adored by his sisters and a precious healing balm to the hearts of his parents.  He is literally the happiest and easiest baby I've ever met!  Now at 8 months old he's crawling all over the house, and eats full meals as well as all the momma's milk he can hold.  He likes to laugh and babble baby talk, and is an expert blower of raspberries.  He slept through the night until teeth started popping through, and he has two teeth now.  We love him so much, darling little princeling!

Our Elizabeth Sunshine has matured so much in the past year.  She is the family comedian, and is always ready with a joke!  She revels in the unexpected and enjoys making people laugh, and we are working on her comedic timing.  She is a strong, brave young lady and goes on adventures with her older sister, playing make believe, telling stories, and spending lots of time outside with her friends the sticks, rocks, and squirrels.  She made friends with a wallaby at our local zoo the other day, and her favorite animal is still the giraffe.  Our local zoo has an amazing giraffe program and feeding the giraffes is a highlight of every visit! Lizzy also adores her baby brother and was an amazing little coach during his labor and delivery, rubbing my back and giving me hugs.

Bella continues to bless us with her helpfulness and maturity.  Oliver is her special little buddy, he is getting almost too big for her to carry but she still likes to try. She has been in love since the day he was born and she cut his umbilical cord.  She sings to him and talks to him and shows him things, and learned to change diapers and feed him.  She thinks everything he does is cute, and every time she meets someone new she asks me "Can I show them my brother?" Bella is doing well with reading practice and enjoys the challenge of school. She loves rock climbing, tree climbing, and hiking, all activities greatly facilitated by our move to Colorado.  She is the one who misses Texas the most though--all her memories were in Texas, and she misses her friends there.  But she informs us she's learning to love Colorado too now.

TJ is currently completing his course requirements to obtain his Colorado real estate agent license.  He finished his electrical license coursework and hours and just has one last test to take on that one also.  He's excited about the future and enjoying the career change very much! He likes exploring the many eclectic and delightful coffee shops in our new city, as well as the endless variety of restaurants and shopping experiences.  The miles and miles of gorgeous bicycle paths have revived his passion for biking, and he's also already had the opportunity to exercise his musical talents as well. 

I (Jenna) feel like my whole life has been renewed and refreshed, and I am loving the changes in our family's journey!  I really enjoy my job at Costco, which fell in my lap as it were and which actually pays our basic bills so TJ can give all his time and energy to his new career.  I only work five hour days (except for a few 8 hour days because of the holiday season) so I still have time and energy left for the things I really love, caring for my children and housework and enjoying the adventures of exploring Colorado's many parks and natural beauties.

We are so grateful for all our family and friends who have been so incredibly supportive and loving this year, helping us with the new baby and moving and everything else, and just being yourselves.  We love you and wish you a blessed holiday season and Merry Christmas!

"Let all that you do be done in love." 1 Cor. 16:14

Jenna, for the Greer family

T.J., Jenna, Isabella, Elizabeth, and Oliver

Is Your God Really Love?

"God is Love." I grew up memorizing 1 John 4:8.  First Corinthians 13 is one of the most famous passages in the Bible.  It is quoted at weddings, lightly and tritely as if repeating a mantra is going to somehow change the fact that the bride and groom will probably be divorced in a year or two.  It is printed on wall hangings and décor. I've seen it everywhere. But only lately have I been pondering in depth it's true meaning, as I've been dealing with family issues and listening to theology debates on Youtube. Let's see what the Holy Book really says about Love.

 "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal."  These are God's words, not mine.  If someone speaks the most beautiful truths and uses the most intelligent and honeyed phrases, but doesn't love, the words are just so much noise. "Words are wind, even words like Love and Peace. I put more trust in deeds." George R R Martin. 

And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  Okay, get this.  God is literally saying you can have enough faith to move a freaking mountain, have prophetic powers, and understand everything--have all knowledge, which you know no one does--but if you don't love, it means.....NOTHING!  Stop and think about that for a minute.  Think of all the PhD's and seminary educations that go into dissecting exactly what men think God is saying.  But without love, all of that is completely meaningless!  My four year old who walks up to an old lady in Walmart and says to her "You are so beautiful today, I love you!" is better in the eyes of God than the richest and wisest pastor and theologian (if they aren't careful to love others more than their wise theology).

If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.  Oh my goodness. Seriously!  Give away all you have--sell your house, give away the clothes off your back--even be martyred and burned to death for what you believe.  God is looking at you like Grumpy Cat in the meme: "where's the love? I can't even see what y'all did there, it doesn't count!"  This has got to be one of the most profound verses in the Bible.  It levels the playing field.  The riches of Bill Gates and the poorest little human with nothing.  It is all alike to God, what is he looking for?  Love!

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  A very good description of Love, indeed.  Defines it in every way and helps you figure out if you even know how to love yet.  Look at babies and children--they are the best examples of love and forgiveness there is.  Dogs are good at loving, but we are talking about humans here!  

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.  See what the future holds? The world can end, prophecies fulfilled, language can cease.  But love endures.  Whether understood or not, your every act of selfless love counts for all eternity.  You never know the effect it could have, generations from now!

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.  Children have the innocence they are born with, but with innocence comes naiveté. Love like a child, be wise like an adult!

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Sermons ought to be preached on this verse.  I've heard a million sermons on having faith in Jesus for salvation from sins.  I haven't heard very many on how the Love card trumps all.  I've been studying the Bible version controversy lately.  It doesn't really ultimately matter what Bible version you use though.  Love is what matters.  Doesn't matter what your political viewpoint is.  Are you loving with your politics?  

   I have a dear, dear friend who does not believe in god.  She has been hurt and disrespected by religion and theology her whole life, and she believes in science.  However I have spent enough time with her and watched her and her husband raising their babies, and I am 100% sure she indeed does have a god.  Her God is Love.  And isn't that what really counts in the end?