Growing up, I was always fit and trim and healthy, and never really worried or even thought about my weight. I lived on a small farm with my family, and not only did we eat mostly food from the earth--veggies and meat we raised ourselves, and bread from flour ground in our stone mill--but we worked hard and played hard. I remember rearranging an entire haystack just for fun on a Tuesday morning. We rode bikes, played volleyball and ping-pong, and for vacation went on backpacking trips. When I got married at age 26 I was in top shape: I had been practicing 4 hours of martial arts per week, and biking to and from work. Not only did I never imagine my weight could ever be a problem, but I also kinda looked down on people who were "gifted with significant presence" as I heard someone say once. I figured they were either lazy or gluttonous or both, and was dismissive of anything related to weight gain or loss.

Well, God saw it fit to take me down a peg or two.  I was expecting my first baby a couple weeks after our wedding, and the joy and excitement of looking forward to the birth of our first child as well as being newly married took over any other thought in my life. I was living in the city for the first time in my life as well, and it dawned on me one day that I was going to have to intentionally exercise. I joined a gym, but I ate whatever I wanted or craved. I gained fifty pounds that year, and everyone told me "don't worry about it, it's just baby weight and it will come right off after the birth!" Nope. That didn't happen. I think I only lost ten pounds after the birth when all was said and done, and a few months later we found that we were expecting another baby! Pregnancy is the easiest excuse in the world to let one's health go, which doesn't make sense because someone else's health literally depended on mine for survival.

We moved across state lines, to a very stressful situation where we were camping in a couple rooms of a house while renovating the rest of the house as quickly as possible to become livable. My husband worked a very low paying day job, and I worked an even lower paying night job. The stress of that first year in Texas turned time into a blur--I honestly don't even remember that year very well. I think I mentally blocked out the stress, and I definitely ate to feel better and not to nourish my body. I did join a CrossFit box thanks to a friend who helped and supported me and gave me a ride to the gym (I didn't have a car at the time). So I was building muscle, but still eating things that weren't good for me. The year after that I started my own home business, found a day job, and TJ got a much better job as well. Life improved a bit, and we wanted to have more children. I lost two pregnancies that year, which sent me into a tailspin of despair. Now I REALLY had every excuse in the book to do whatever made me feel better, including eating alllll the cake and cookies and drinking sweet coffees.

2020 came around, and in March I both lost my job and miscarried my fifth (total) pregnancy on the same day. We were blessed with two whole months of paid stay at home leave for TJ, and it was an amazing time of rest and rejuvenation and family time that we desperately needed! I also started talking with a friend who enthusiastically encouraged me to lose weight using her special meal replacement shakes. I was really skeptical because I didn't like the multi-level marketing aspect, and it was very expensive as well. In fact, every weight loss program I looked into was way beyond my budget. I thought to myself, "someday when I'm rich I'll be able to lose weight!"  Then my friend told my cousin, who was struggling with a number of health issues, that the same shake thing would help her GAIN weight--and I was done with that idea. It sounded scammy to me, just like every other weight loss program out there.

I decided to embrace my "curves" and stop worrying about being fat, and ignore the back pain and joint pain and other aches and pains I was experiencing, and put it all down to the fact that I was getting older (everyone said the 30's would do that to you!) I followed fashion blogs that targeted heavier women, and figured this was my new life. I also quit CrossFit because I was pregnant again and REALLY didn't want  to lose another baby, so I was cutting everything out of my life that I thought might stress my body.

April of 2021 I gave birth to my son, a gorgeous and amazing baby boy who made all the previous pain of losses worth it. I also weighed my heaviest, 236 lbs--100 pounds more than my trim weight where I felt the best.  But of course I couldn't "go on a diet" because I was nursing an infant now, and needed plenty of nourishment and couldn't afford to starve myself!

We made another move, across state lines again, and started life all over once again with three young children. I had basically given up on my health by then. I had a doctor's appointment where they took full labs of my blood, testing everything. The numbers were not good at all. I was pre-diabetic, had high cholesterol, blood sugar, triglycerides, extremely low vitamin D and my weight was out of control at 227 lbs. This scared me. I didn't want to die young and leave my children and my husband! I didn't know what to do though. I joined another gym, bought another program we couldn't afford, tried to give up food. None of that worked, just like every other time. 

One year after that, I felt like I was falling apart. My back was in so much pain I could hardly sleep at night. My feet were both in extreme pain, as well as splitting apart to the point they bled. I never  had enough energy for anything. Then I met a new friend, Kendra, through my girls' charter school program. I mentioned to this new friend that I was struggling with my weight, and she enthusiastically told me about yet another program--called Trim Healthy Mama. I had heard of it before, but it was one among many I had heard of. My friend told me she lost 70 lbs on it, and my ears perked up. So far every person who tried to sell me on a program was already skinny when they started it, so I was always skeptical. But my friend obviously had success, and additionally she wasn't trying to sell me anything. In fact the "program" cost nothing at all--zero dollars! The only thing it required was a bit of self control and kicking my sugar addiction, which I wasn't ready to do.

May 30, 2023 would change my life. I had joined a group of outdoor enthusiast moms called "Wild Mamas", and enjoyed hiking with all our children in the beautiful mountains of Colorado. That day we were going on a hike in Cheyenne State Park. It was an extremely easy saunter of about a mile, a nice level loop that I could have run in my youth. My children did run it, in fact I never saw them the entire hike because they were at the front of the group and I, well, I was huffing and puffing at the very end of the pack. I literally couldn't keep up with a bunch of toddlers and pregnant mamas! I felt like I was going to die, and had to stop and rest often. One of the ladies stayed back with me to make sure I was okay. When I got home, I had reached a mental crossroads. I could choose life, or I could choose death--a slow, painful, agonizing death. I sat down to read the books my friend Kendra lent me. I figured what the hell, this thing doesn't cost any money and it's literally all I've got left. I also really liked the fact there was nothing weird, crazy, or extreme about this diet. It wasn't even really a diet. I started that day. It was a complete mental shift for me, born of desperation and how utterly sick I was of feeling like an old woman at age 35.

I lost nothing for 4 weeks, and in fact I felt a little sicker because I was going into withdrawals from not eating refined sugar any more. (Fruit, honey, organic maple syrup, are all on plan with Trim Healthy Mama.) But I didn't give up because I had too much at stake, and also Kendra was such a huge cheerleader--encouraging me through texts and in person when we saw each other. Then July rolled around. I stepped on the scale every morning (got a new scale with an app for tracking!) and I couldn't believe it. The weight started FALLING off, like I was shrinking before my own eyes! This had never happened before, in the 8 1/2 years since I gained that first 50 lbs. Best of all, I wasn't depriving myself of any food whatever. I didn't have to go hungry! All the things I couldn't have were things I shouldn't eat anyway--refined oils, flours, and sugars. I think God knew what He was doing when He gave us Earth-food to eat. I felt so much better. When the first 25 lbs melted off my body, I knew this was my new life, my hope, and the way I wanted to live. Kendra still encourages me and cheers me on, and so does TJ and the rest of my family. But I'm self motivated now. I've lost 36 pounds so far and I'm not stopping. I feel younger, lighter, definitely much happier, and my feet and my back don't hurt any more! My foot pain disappearing was the biggest difference of all, at first. Go pick up a 25 lb sack of flour or something and carry it around for a while, that's what I carried with me 24/7! No wonder everything hurt. 

I recommend the Trim Healthy Mama way to everyone, because it takes you back to nature and eating the way God designed human bodies to eat thousands of years ago when He created us. I recommend it because it's FREE, and works on any budget at all. You don't have to buy anything expensive or weird or organic (even though organic is recommended). You can even lose weight without any exercise whatever, although exercise is excellent for your mental health and for building muscle, and helps the weight loss along. So you can do it even if you are wheelchair bound or had surgery or something. It doesn't cut out any food groups and requires no special shakes or programs. Look it up on the internet, there's free information about it everywhere. I especially enjoy the podcast, the two sisters who came up with and promote this way of eating are really great people and so fun to listen to!

Today, August 30th, exactly 3 months after beginning my new way of life and thinking, I conquered one of the most difficult hikes our area is known for: the Manitou Incline. Almost 3,000 steps straight up the mountain, and then a steep 3 mile hike back down again. Three months ago this would have been impossible, I wouldn't even have considered it. But today, I made the hike up in less than two hours, and then this evening I went to my karate class and pumped out a whole lot of kicks and pushups. I'm sore, but I'm not dead. I feel alive, I feel like my young self again. It's been amazing for my mental health too! I'm much more patient with my kids, and I feel the rest of my life becoming more organized and falling into place. I am looking forward to seeing what the next chapter of life holds and excited to see where the journey leads me! And Kendra, I'm so thankful for you. You saved my life.