"Undisciplined" Children

Bella playing and singing a song

Well, it's been a crazy two weeks around here and elsewhere!  Last night we arrived home safe, tired, exhausted, and worn out from our first ever long "vacation."  California and it's inhabitants treated us royally, and it was great to catch up with everyone in our old stomping grounds, friends and family alike.  Stand out memories include: fresh sushi at last, oh my I forgot how much I enjoyed good sushi!!!; the best Thanksgiving dinner I've ever eaten, bar none (I need all my mother in law's recipes asap!); and our favorite pizza place.  Wow, I just realized all I seem to remember is the food! LOL.  We saw so many dear people, driving somewhere new every single day, that it all swirls into one big smorgasbord of faces.  Hopefully soon my memories will sort themselves out and I'll be able to process it all, with the aid of the many photos from the trip.

I noticed an interesting phenomenon early on in the trip that continued throughout the experience.  Whether in a positive or negative fashion, everyone always noticed our two girls (of course).  They made impressions everywhere we went, from the homeless guy 2 year old Lizzy randomly hugged to the new cousins they met and grandparents and aunts and uncles and friends.  (Again, it was overwhelming seeing so many people in such a short space of time!)  Both girls are outgoing, friendly, and life of the party personality types.  Bella tends to notice activities going on, while Lizzy notices the people.  We have encouraged both of them from infancy to explore this great big world they were born into and all that it contains, with the result that they are inquisitive, curious little beings who want to see for themselves what everything around them is made of.  This means that we dive to save glass objects and lock things out of reach on a regular basis, and also try to have as few rules as possible at our home (if we make a rule we must enforce it, thus the fewer rules the better!)

Seven days in other people's houses trying to follow other people's house rules was quite the ordeal for our little family.  The girls did a splendid job in my opinion.  Nothing of value was broken, and nobody died--a win-win in my book!  Not only were they dealing with new situations on a daily basis, but they also had to endure hours and hours strapped in car seats which of course made them even more energetic when we arrived at our destinations.  Most people were delighted with our children and loved on them and made them feel welcome.  But I heard a few comments, in more than one place, on how "undisciplined" our children are and how we need to control them better.

First of all, we are not in the business of controlling children.  We are in the business of guiding and teaching them to be good, productive citizens and well rounded, independent adults someday.  Secondly, please take a moment--all of you--and reach into the foggy recesses of your memory and try to remember what it was like to be a child.  After all, Jesus Himself said "let the little children come to me, for of such are the kingdom of Heaven!"   When did you ever sit for hours in the car, and then sedately continue to sit at a party looking pretty?!  If you did, then I am sad for you.  Children were made to run and jump, climb and explore, take things apart and experiment with the world to find what makes it spin.  Children were made to grow up and become husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, scientists and doctors and farmers.  They are much bigger, longer lasting, and more important than your small agenda.  Children are literally the future of our existence, the ones who will be future Presidents and Congressmen and Congresswomen and judges and legislators.  They will shape our future, and we will depend on them when we are old.

It was interesting to note that pretty much wherever we went, our kids were the life of the party.  We

Our Zizzy-Bug!

were at one large family gathering where there were probably 15-20 small people (seemed more like 200, they swarmed everywhere--such a blessing!).  Many of them held back and looked shy, and took a while to warm up a little.  Some of the older ones never did, and just stood in the background and didn't do or say anything.  Our two girls chattered up a storm, made friends with everyone, jumped on the trampoline enthusiastically, climbed on the farm equipment, and examined the tools in the shop.  The best part was that nobody minded!  Children were encouraged to explore and learn and grow.  It was a refreshing environment and I could actually relax and visit with people instead of chasing my children the whole time afraid they might break some valuable item.

I do not allow or appreciate brats.  Children who are "undisciplined" in the sense that they are allowed to be selfish, petty, uncaring, and cruel--use the word "spoiled" here--are not allowed in my house.  I am far more concerned with character than with cabinets.  I'd rather they break every dish and heirloom I own by accident than grow up to be mean, small, selfish adults.  My girls throw the occasional tantrum, and sometimes push each other or forget to share their toys.  But they are 2 and 3 and it takes time to teach, mold, and model proper behavior.  However they are loving, generous, sweet little people who empathize to a surprising degree, and are very concerned about the welfare of others.  That's what I'm looking for in my kids.  I'm after their hearts.  I want to shape their minds as they grow and learn from me.  It's a tremendous job, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed and inadequate.  But then Bella comes up to me randomly and says "Mommy, you're the best!"  Lizzy hugs and kisses her sister.  Bella shares her breakfast with "the baby" (as she calls Lizzy).  They both pile on TJ when he gets home from work, so glad to have their daddy home.  Lizzy impulsively hugs a homeless guy in the street.  Bella makes friends with a little boy at Makutu's Island in Phoenix and they climbed all over that glorious kid's artificial forest together.  And I feel in my bones that everything will turn out all right in the end.